Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children After 30.

Nowadays people get married and have children after the age of 30. Is it a positive or negative development?

Answer:

These days, most of the people prefer to tie a wedding knot and have children in their older age as compared to those in the past. (1) I think this much delay This trend has a negative impact as it creates difficulties due to the adjustment issues in couples and results in a wide generation gap in between parents and children. (Parallelism issue: ‘IT’ does two things – creates and results. Also, the correct idiom is “between X and Y”)

1. You can’t compare Apples with Oranges. Can’t compare people with past. Wrong sentence: I shoes are shinier than you. Correct: My shoes are shinier than yours.

The primary problem for the modern couple is to accept the flaws of each other. After completing study education and doing job working (sub-optimal choice of words) till the age of 30, most of the people have rigid habits and beliefs. So, whenever their partners oppose their traits, it is highly difficult for them to bring the change. For instance, my friend married at the age of 35 and when her husband forced her to abandon career to take care of the family, she divorced him. The divorce rate has increased as the young generation has become more career oriented. Thus, they do not want to compromise their goals not even for the sake of their marriage survival. (I can’t read AGE in these sentences. The question is not on career or goals.)

The ideas in BP 1 are not adequately developed. There is also a deviation from the topic.

Apart from this, having children after the age of 30 has its own several disadvantages. Due to the proliferation in of technology and the spread of modernization, the generation gap between the children and parents increases. As a result, there is a huge (considerable/ massive) difference in their thinking. For example, it is extremely difficult for 65 years old father to accept the homosexual marriage of this his 35 years old son as this kind of relation is opposite of his ethics and culture. This develops the hatred feeling of hatred against parents and, therefore, they (who is they? This pronoun does not refer to any noun. You need to write ‘the son’ so that the example continues.) may believe that their parents obstruct contentment.

(For example, it is tough for a 65 years old father to accept the homosexual orientation of his 30 years old son due to his culture and ethics. The son, unfortunately, may interpret this as a hostile attitude and my develop a feeling of hatred.)

While the ideas in BP 2 are well developed, the example is not as strong due to the failure of the last sentence to connect with the example in the penultimate sentence.

To conclude, the dysfunctional marriage coupled with confliction conflict of thoughts in two generations makes the old age marriages a negative development.

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