Children are generally more successful in foreign language studies than adults. Thus, it is better to learn languages in childhood.
Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Learning a new skill set, including
learning command over a foreign language, (1) can be difficult especially when you are old older compared to the younger age. (2) In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why it is beneficial to learn a new language in the earlier stage of life. (3)
1. Whenever you use including to give an example, it must be included within two commas. It is additional information and is not considered a part of the main sentence. Also, avoid repeating the word learn.
2. The comparison is incorrect. You can’t compare older with ‘younger age’. In fact, there is no need for a comparison. When you write old, it means ‘not young’.
3. Of course, you will discuss this. This is the question. You’re not adding any value to the answer. Instead, use this sentence to MENTION the reasons supporting your opinion.
Firstly, children’s brain
are is (4) able to absorb more (what more? Does not make any sense. THAN gels with quicker and better. LR issue.) information quicker and better than adults. It can be proven by looking at the numbers of small children moving from one country to another and how they were are able to adapt to the new native language of the country they immigrated immigrate to. (5) They effectively learn the proper pronunciation of words, grammar, and vocabulary (these are of language, not of country) of the host country. (5) On the other hand, adults migrating to a new country has have (4) less ability to learn the new language since they were are used to speaking in their native tongue, thus making it difficult for them to pronounce or enunciate the words and use it in their them in the correct form. (6)
4. “Subject-Verb Disagreement”. This is a common grammar mistake. A singular subject should be followed by a singular verb or auxiliary verb.
5. Note that the sentence is too wordy. The more the words you use to communicate a message, the lower the bands. IELTS, like all English language exams, respects BREVITY. You will lose bands for LR. Let us restructure your sentences: When a Russian child moves to the United Kingdom, she grasps the native pronunciation, English grammar rules, and vocabulary faster than her immigrant parents. Note that your two sentences consume 49 words. The sentence in blue color conveys the same message in 24 words. Don’t write more just to complete the minimum words count.
6. Your sentences are too wordy. This makes it difficult for the reader to make sense. For instance, in this sentence you’ve conveyed THREE ideas: A. Adults migrating to a new country have less ability to learn a new language. B. They are used to speaking their native language. C. It is difficult for them to pronounce the words. Now, rarely a writer has the capability to carry THREE IDEAS in a sentence. This is a skill tough to master. I suggest carrying two ideas. Moreover, You’ve stated ‘C’ as conclusion through the use of word THUS. I think, A is the conclusion of the idea. Let me rewrite: On the other hand, adults are used to communicating in their native language which (connecting device – Conjunction – to link two ideas) makes it difficult to pronounce and write words in a new language. Thus, their ability to learn the language of their destination country (note that this PHRASE acts as a noun) is severely constricted.
Secondly, children are more flexible in their learning abilities. Studies show that human beings are able to adapt and assimilate more effectively when they get
accustomed exposed (wrong word choice) to new information at a younger stage in life. In comparison to children adults, they find that they need to put more effort (You mean children have to exert more effort? Seems incorrect. TR bands will be impacted.) in learning a new skill. (7) They are not that flexible since they were are used to their own language and the way it is spoken and used in conversation. (How is the idea expressed in this paragraph different from the idea in the previous paragraph? This will impact TR. Think of another idea.)
7. A pronoun must refer to a noun. THEY, in this and next sentence, does not refer to any noun. It should refer to adults. But, it does not.
Alternate BP 2 with another idea: Secondly, adults have the responsibility to earn livelihood which children can conveniently avoid. (Idea Statement. Now, explain this statement.) In an ultra-competitive world, they (= adults) have to spend more than 10 hours to support their family. This leaves little time to spend on learning a new language. (EXPLAIN why adults are incapable.) Children, on the other hand, do not have to engage in any professional task and can afford to dedicate their energy to linguistics. They can even spend more than two hours every day to learn the mother tongue of the new country. (EXPLAIN why children are capable.)
To sum up, I completely agree that studying a new language should be done at a younger age. It is more effective and lines up with the learning abilities during the child’s formative years
, hence, learning is more beneficial and successful. (Effective = successful. Do not repeat the same idea in different words.)