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IELTS Essay Correction: Uniforms For Staff.

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

Answer:

In a few organizations, wearing uniforms at workplace is mandatory for employees. The foremost advantage of this phenomenon (This is NOT a phenomenon. – 1) is that uniform helps organisation to promote their brand and the biggest drawback is that it can halt the productivity of an employee(Why only one employee? Use a pronoun to refer back to employees in the previous sentence.)

1. Use a pronoun to refer to “wearing uniforms at workplace”. Note that I’ve used their to refer to employees in the previous sentence. While it is beneficial in promoting the brand image of the company, it can adversely impact their productivity.

Uniform enhances the chances to make makes (convey the idea in as few words as possible) people aware of the product because uniform (do not repeat uniformit has a company brand name and logo on it. (“it has” has the same impact as “on it“. – 2) When a worker wears the uniform, (Make no repetition. Use a pronoun.) Domino’s delivery boy, for instance, who has to interacts with a number of customers to deliver pizza’s, increases awareness about his organisation and the product among people. (The sentence is badly structured. See point number 2 below.) Which (Using which at the beginning of a sentence makes it a question statement. This seems incorrect in this context.) as a result promote sales and revenues (sales bring revenue. This are the same.) of the business and I strongly feel that this is one of the advantages of this fact where profit can be boosted up with the help of uniforms(It is inadvisable to write “I strongly feel that this is one of the advantages” as your paragraph is built on advantages. There is no need to write this. The reader knows this.)

2. Let us rewrite this sentence with SINCE (Since X, Y construction) at the beginning and a better choice of words to make a greater impact: Since a uniform contains the logo and name of a company, it plays a significant role in making people aware of the brand. For instance, it enables customers to differentiate between pizza delivery members of Dominos from those of other companies such as Swigy, Uber Eats, and Zomato. This increased product and organization awareness helps promote sales and boosts profits.

You need to think of one more advantage and build an argument. This paragraph is short of words. Let me present it for you. Moreover, it is instrumental in building solidarity in team members. When they wear the same dress, they feel as if they are members of the same family. Starbucks and Virgin Atlantic actively use this strategy to build strong bonds among employees and promote their loyalty for the company.

On the flip side of the coin, because of certain problems such as poor uniform design in uniforms, the (Note construction: the X of Y.) efficiency of a worker gets affected. In aviation industry industries, (it’s a single industry) for example, where (no need of this connector. “For instance” is just an interruptor. Let the natural structure of the sentence continue.) air hostesses are required to wear uniforms along with (why repeat uniform when there is no need. Heels are part of the dress code. Right?) high heels as part of their dress code, whereas, this has been scientifically proven that wearing stiletto heels them (use a pronoun to refer back to heelsfor longer (Longer than what? There is no comparison here.) long hours brings pain and swelling in legs. Due to this reason, it becomes a quite challenging situation for stewardess to perform well in that state. (This sentence does not convey any meaningful information. You seem to have written it just to fill some space.) I believe this is the disadvantage and uniforms must be designed keeping all the facts in mind. (Same issue as the last sentence of the previous paragraph.)

You need one more idea for disadvantages. Let me give you a hint. A uniform prevents distinguishing employees on the basis of performance.

In conclusion, making uniforms statutory mandatory (wrong word choice) for the employees brings benefits as it helps an employer to generate revenue and improve sales growth, however, where . However, it sometimes compels a worker has to compromise with his work because of uniforms is the biggest disadvantage according to me. (Use a pronoun to refer back to uniform.)

You need to work hard on sentence structure.

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