Answer Checking

IELTS Letter Correction: Friend In Foreign Country.

Write a letter to a friend who works in a foreign country expressing your interest to seek employment in a different country.

  • Why you want to work in a different country?
  • What type of work you will be looking for?
  • Questions you have about working in a different country that your friend may be able to answer.

Answer:

Dear Amrit,

I hope you and your family and you are all well. I am glad that finally you have got preferred (what is a preferred job? Not clear.) a well-paid job after a two-year study in Canada. I am also (Is someone else also planning?) planning to shift to Australia for better career options and, for that, (1) I need your support and advice.

1. Ideally, ‘for that’ should be within two commas. The usual sentence structure is: “I need your support and advice for that.” Since you’re placing the object at the beginning (before the subject – “I”), separate it from the main sentence using two commas.

Though there is nothing wrong with your introduction, the first sentence is often repeated by the students. The examiner may read this as a crammed statement (or at least doubt that you crammed it). Remember, this is an informal letter. You can also write it as: Yesterday, I was wondering about the exciting time we both spent working as doctors in the rural parts of Punjab. Ever since you shifted to Canada for a post-graduate program in medical science, I have been exploring various global options including one from Oxford University. (Note that this seems more natural to a reader. As if, two friends are actually communicating.)

As you know, (2) that in spite of being a topper in our university, I am still struggling to get secure my dream job. After a long try, (Was it a single, long try?) After applying to various universities for more than two years, I managed to get a job in teaching job but I have least little interest in it this. Therefore, I have decided to apply for the a job in Australia as there are huge opportunities in my field. (What is your field? Only because you have little interest in your present job, you can’t conclude that you’re applying for a job in Australia.) (3)

2. As you know – an introducer. The usage of that with an introducer is incorrect. An introducer is just to set the tone. It is not a part of the main sentence.

3. Despite applying for computing jobs in various Indian companies, I could not find a suitable job and had to contend for a teaching occupation in a college. Last month, while reading Australia Today, I read an article about a large number of vacancies for computer engineers throughout the country. Therefore, I have decided to apply for a suitable job in Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane.

I am seeking a technical job. (The second sentence serves the idea of the first sentence. There is no need to repeat.) I have an excessive interest in networking and I want a job of a network administrator in a reputed company. I have applied in top-most IT companies including HP and Cisco and, fortunately, (needs to be within two commas. This can be avoided if you place this adverb just before the verb – its proper place. I’ve done this below.) I have received an interview confirmation from Toshiba in Australia and I am really looking forward for this job. (You’ve connected three IDEAS using two ANDs. There are better ways to connect three ideas with only one AND. You should apply the concept of MODIFIERS. – Having applied in top-league Information Technology firms such as Cisco, I have fortunately received an interview confirmation from Toshiba’s Melbourne office and I am sure I will be selected.)

You need to work on sentence structuring and writing the English language in a natural flow.

However, I have some queries related to working in Australia. The main problem is are (you’re raising two problems) the (you’re not mentioning specific accommodation.) accommodation and food. I am very particular about my privacy and meal selection. (The two sentences can be re-written as one: However, I am deeply concerned whether I will get suitable accommodation and Indian food.) So, are the foreigners open to provide it or I have to make the arrangements before going there. (Don’t RUSH through the ideas. Explain them completely.) Moreover, the working regime in foreign countries is also my concern. (What is your concern about working regime? Do’s and don’ts come into picture only after you’ve explained the problem. My advice: Pick fewer ideas. But explain them completely.) Give me advice for the do’s and don’ts at workplaces in overseas.

However, I am deeply concerned whether I will get suitable accommodation and Indian food. Though I have searched various apartments for rent in the vicinity of the office, they are either too expensive or too small (= not suitable. EXPLAINED). Also, Google Maps shows only one Indian restaurant in that area. Since I am not used to eating western food and prefer vegetarian meals only, I wish to seek your advice on this matter. (Food EXPLAINED.)

I will wait for your valuable reply and suggestions.

With best wishes,

J 

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