Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Same Job Throughout Lifetime.

Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while others prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion.

Answer:

A person spends a considerable amount of professional time in his life (unnecessary and meaningless words. Writing TIME is sufficient.) working in a job. While some people like to work in a single domain for whole life as it enables a person them (refer back to some peopleto gain expertise in that domain a field, others prefer to switch job profiles to acquire knowledge of different fields. (Writing ‘that domain’ not only helps in avoiding the repetition of fields but also helps in referencing.) I favor the former view.

Though the introduction is well written, there are issues related to LR and pronouns (and referencing).

Many technical jobs such as software development, financial analyst, and investment banking (Bravo!) require the expertise of an individual (….. require decades of expertise to yield …..) to yield efficient (desirable) results. (The results are NEVER efficient. They are desirable, favorable. LR issue.) Due to this, these professions have a huge hierarchy of employees based on their work experience, and it takes a significant amount of time for a fresher to grasp the essential knowledge required (essential/ necessary/ needed) to (the optimum placement of words) secure the lead position. For instance, Sundar Pichai, the chief executive officer of Google, worked for twenty years in the software industry to reach the top position from being a junior software developer. (BEING is a strange construction. Avoid it as it fails to communicate the idea clearly. Let us rewrite. Note the use of from X to Y construction:For instance, Sundar Pichai, the chief executive officer of Google, worked hard for more than two decades to gradually rise from a junior software developer in the 1990s to the present position in 2015.) Thus, the more time a person spends in the a (It is not a specific field) field, the more career heights he can achieve.

Despite these benefits of sticking to the same type of job, it , sticking to a job (Can you guess why this construction is better? There is a need to create a modifier here. ‘IT’ does not refer to anything. Discuss.) makes a person inefficient in other fields. In worse situations such as economic recession, natural disaster, or a pandemic, when jobs of some particular (particular, when used before a noun, is singular. Fields is plural.) fields are adversely/ negatively affected, people with experience in multiple domains have higher chances of survival can survive by working in other industries. (Other than what? There is no ‘other’.) For instance, I was working as a supervisor in a manufacturing company, and, unfortunately, (wrong punctuation and a missing punctuation.) during the global outrage pandemic (This is NOT an outrage. An outrage is anger and shock related to something.) of the Covid-19 disease, my company was forced to shut down. But due to my prior experience in the computer industry, I was able to secure a home-based programming job.

There are numerous LR, sentence structuring, punctuation, pronoun issues in both BP. LR issues are serious.

To recapitulate, while people have a varied opinion on shifting jobs, I believe mastery in a single domain will help you them achieve greater success in life.

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