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IELTS Essay Correction: New Employees Lack Interpersonal Skills.

Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack the interpersonal skills needed for communication with colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?

Answer:

A few organisations have observed that fresh interns (interns are not the same as employees. LR issue.) employees who have recently (who have recently graduated) passed out from colleges or universities seems seem (1) to lack socialization skills which are must (necessary) for interaction with their teammates. The cause is focusing only on technical skills It is due to the education system’s overreliance on technical skills and it’s efficacious remedies will be presented in following paragraphs. (Of course you will. That’s the question. Use this space to MENTION the solution(s).)

1. Subject-verb disagreement. Your sentence’s subject is ‘fresh interns’. It is plural.

The major reason is that in tertiary education chief priority is on technical skills. (Refer to voice notes) The tertiary education’s chief priority is on sharpening technical skills such as solving complex mathematical problems and repairing machines. Students aspiring to become engineers, doctors, and lawyers focus on specific subjects rather than giving time to interpersonal skills. For example, an engineering scholar studies maths student prefers to solve mathematical problems (need to be more specific. Read my sentence below.) throughout degree further AND does not even considering consider social etiquettes for career development. (2) Thus, mandatory topics namely mathematics, science and hindi leads most of the college graduates with insufficiency of interactive skills. (This sentence seems to be a repetition of the first sentence of the paragraph. Instead of writing this to complete the minimum word length, better write a second reason.) Moreover, before the first job, (this is a modifier) most students never interact with businesses. They limit their interaction to their home and college friends, which is mostly informal in nature. They never write a professional letter or speak at a conference and, thus, they fail to develop communication skills.

2. When you wish to connect two ideas in a sentence, you need to connect them through a medium – a punctuation (for modifiers), conjunctions (and, that, but), or through a construction (although, while, etc.). You’ve done none of them. You should have used one of these before “further not even …”. I’ve connected them through AND. But, we can also connect them by making the latter part a modifier. Read my article on MODIFIERS to better understand this concept.: Never even considering social etiquettes as important for career development, electrical engineers (modifier modifying this subject) devote their energy to solve problems related to the flow of electricity and the performance of transformers.

Denoting solutions, (Well, you are not denoting them. LR issue. Note that the previous paragraph is on the problem. This one is on solutions to that problem. How can you connect them in YOUR LANGUAGE and not in the language of an author. To solve this serious issue, all educational institutions must introduce compulsory soft-skills courses, writing classes, and debate sessions. My college, for instance, tied up with local companies in Chandigarh so that their staff could teach us the format and flair of writing internal memos, emails, and official letters to the government.) firstly, making compulsory (That’s a weird construction. Where is the subject?) in institutions for trainees to develop interaction art by doing group discussions, (I still can’t find the subject.) speaking in front of people as well as sharing ideas among themselves. Secondly, both parents and teachers both should counsel undergraduates to let them know the importance of social art (this is not the same as communication skills. LR issue.) for acquiring career growth in the future. Consequently, once these juniors (This is not the same as students. You’re using a pronoun to refer to them. Keep using it. LR issue.) will they start working in a company they shall surely be able to communicate effectively with co-workers.

You’ve given two solutions but developed none of them. This will hamper your TR score.

In conclusion, only emphasizing on stream (These are not the same as technical subjects. LR issue.) subjects in an (Your noun is plural – institutions) educational institutions has resulted for students to be deprived deprived students (unnecessarily wordy and weird construction) of social etiquettes. To overcome this problem, education system, instructors, genitors, (who’s that?) and trainers should all help scholars to know vital role of social talent (What’s that. This is certainly not the communication skills. LR issue.) from initial college days.

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