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IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Be Taught History.

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

Answer:

Different people have (1) distinct sets of views, (wrong punctuation) regarding learning history or modern-day life subjects in schools. While some individuals think studying history gives (Subject for ‘give’ is ‘studying history’ which is singular in nature. Subject-verb disagreement.) knowledge of late national leaders, others believe modern-day subjects provide a stable career. I strongly believe in the latter view.

1. SET is singular in nature. How can different people have A SET of DISTINCT views?

On the one hand, history classes in school are crucial for children to know better about great revolutionary leaders who died in the past. For example, lessons about Gandhiji let them know teaches them what all that famous freedom fighter did for getting about his efforts in freeing India free from the rule of Britishers. (Construction: ‘the X of Y’) (The word choice is not optimum. teaches = let them know; his efforts = what that freedom fighter did. Note that I’ve replaced your words with fewer words. Follow the principle of brevity.) When they are taught read/ learn about these heroes, they definitely feel patriotic towards their motherland. Owing to this, they channelize their energy in doing good constructive deeds for their nation such as keeping country it (use a pronoun to refer to the nation) green and clean, making it free from drug abuse and crime so that country’s its citizens can progress in the same manner that was thought by its bygone past leaders (founding fathers).

On the other hand, learning modern everyday life subjects in schools by children such as mathematics, science, and computers in school (repetition) surely opens (Subject = learning modern subjects. = singular) doors for a plethora of jobs in a career. (2) In today’s time most of them are looking for strong career. As they thoroughly study technical subjects skills (can’t study skills. You can learn skills.) and get mastery in solving analytical complexities that of coding or testing in school from school days only, they definitely (unnecessary word. – 3) get better employment offers from various organizations. Wipro, for example, an information technology company (4) requires it’s (its = pronoun; it’s = it is.) employees to be fully trained with in (wrong preposition) computer languages, (5) in order to get placed. Similarly, (How can they be similar when they have the same criterion?) most companies have the same hiring criteria for letting fresh graduates to work in their organizations.

2. Note that you’ve used they to refer back to children. But, you’ve used children in the passive voice. Place it at the head of the first sentence using “When X, Y” construction. On the other hand, when children learn modern everyday subjects such as mathematics, science, and computers in school, they open doors for a plethora of jobs.

3. “I get it = 100% get it; I definitely get it = 100% get it.” They mean the same. ‘Definitely’ does not make any difference.

4. Note that ‘an information technology company’ is not a part of the main sentence. It is merely giving additional information about Wipro. So, it should be used as a modifier with a comma before and after the clause. Wipro, an information technology company, requires its …..

5. Wrong punctuation: ‘in order to get placed’ is part of the main sentence.

In conclusion, although studying history is important in schools, learning modern everyday life subjects provides multiple options for jobs as well as stability in career.

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