Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Criminals Shown On Television.

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:

In most countries, criminal proceedings are displayed on television for general public. (This is not paraphrasing. You’ve just changed two words.) Many governments choose to telecast the court proceedings of criminal cases to the people throughout the country. This essay will argue (Weird construction. The essay can’t argue. You can. Also, there is no need to write this.) that despite it (Wrong use of despite. The correct construction is THOUGH.) suggest different methods of committing crimes, the trust it develops among individuals regarding the laws of countries far outweigh the drawbacks. Though its minor drawback is that it suggests different methods of committing crimes, it has a huge upside in making people abide by the law of the land.

Broadcasting trials of rapists, murders, and financial criminals on television reveals numerous methodologies of committing crimes to potential criminals. (1) It involves detailed analysis of various illicit activities (such as?) and the way crimes were planned and plotted (What’s that way? Be more specific). (2) Moreover, it provides knowledge about different sections and loopholes existing in the existing legal systems. For instance, a survey conducted by lawyers of the district court of USA revealed that 80% of perpetrators acquire knowledge about the process of committing crimes through television programs, televising court trials. (How? Your example is just a general statement with names sprinkled on it. It is NOT an example. Let us rewrite: For instance, the acquittal of a serial killer in the United States revealed a serious flaw in the legal system that prevents the conviction of a criminal if there is an absence of fingerprints. The telecast of this trail has carried this flaw to potential criminals.) However, such problems can be minimized by educating the citizens about the adverse consequences of performing unlawful activities.

1. You’ve mentioned trails in the introduction. Now, move a step further. Write a bit more specifically. Also, reveals to whom? Every sentence of the body paragraph should be more specific than that of the introduction.

2. Please write more specifically. It involves a detailed analysis of the crime scene, tools, strategy, tactics, and accomplices. For instance, the telecasting of criminal proceedings against Vijay Mallaya, an Indian business tycoon, included the hawala transactions, the embezzlement of money from company accounts, and the role of government officials. This gave many other businessmen the methods and tools to commit financial crimes.

Despite the shortcomings, telecasting the trial procedures, generates confidence in the mind of citizens for the judicial systems of the countries. It shows that proper procedures are followed for the examination of evidence provided against the accused (No need to write this. Evidence is always against the accused.) and, as a result, an (You’re talking about multiple decisions.) unbiased decisions are taken by judges. It develops the (Note the construction: the X of Y.) faith of human beings that courts and the legal systems are available to provide justice to victims. (The arguments are developed in a logical manner.) For example, in most countries trials of rape cases and severe punishments given to culprits are televised, to ensure that legal facilities will protect the rights of public. (3) In my opinion, such TV programs are beneficial as it they encourages the people to trust the laws and rules of the nations.

3. This is NOT an example. Your idea is that EVIDENCE is presented to develop people’s faith in the system. Which type of evidence? Write this in the example. For instance, in France, in case of financial crimes, the account statements, telephone conversations, WhatsApp chats and photographs of meetings between criminals are shown on television and their copies are available on the websites of television channels so that any citizen can browse through them and judge the fairness of the system.

In conclusion, though the broadcast of jury trials makes the humans aware about of different techniques of committing crimes, it also develops their trust on in the legal system.

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