Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Learning In Group Or One-On-One?

For some people learning in a group is the most effective way, while others prefer one-on-one instruction. Discuss both views. What is your opinion?

Answer:

Every individual has a preference in for (read “Preference in OR for?“) learning patterns. While some people are efficient when they study in a group since it promotes knowledge sharing, others, (wrong comma placement. The correct construction is “while X, Y”) favour individual classes for better concentration and productivity. I firmly prefer the latter view. (There is no firmness in preference. There can be firmness in support.)

Studying in a group enables students to discuss various topics with each other, which encourages knowledge exchange. (You’ve not explained the idea. Don’t jump to the next point. Pick a subject and elaborate on the process of discussion.) When grade 12 students discuss mathematics before a competitive exam, they help each other remember formulas for solving differential equations, geometry, and calculusMoreover, in a group class, many students ask several doubts regarding a particular topic that (1) asking several doubts helps everyone in the group (2) since the teacher has to discuss the issue in detail to clear those doubts. (There is no need to write this. It leads to unnecessary repetition of the word – doubts.) For instance, my friend, John, asked about the harmful effects of whey protein during our science class. His question benefitted me with the extra information (If you had no idea, how can it be extra?) as I had no idea that there could be a negative side of Whey that protein. (For instance, when John, one of my classmates, enquired about the harmful effects of Whey Protein from our biology teacher, she explained its effects on heart rate and muscles. I immensely learned from the discussion as I had always believed that it was a beneficial product.) (Note the complete development of the argument without repetition of whey protein.)

1. ‘That’ does not work well in this sentence. It must be linked to the subject it modifies – doubts. But it is not.

2. It is obvious that this is ‘in the group’. You’ve already written – in a group class.

The arguments in BP 1 are not developed properly.

On the other hand, many individuals choose to study in one-to-one classes class (the pronoun IT can’t refer to a plural subject.) since it allows them to learn throughout the session without any disturbance, which helps them to concentrate better during their learning phase, eventually, it increases the productivity of a session. (That’s a LONG sentence.) It (refers to the previous subject) enables them to concentrate on the subject and increases the productivity of the session. For instance, a recent report by the Ministry of Education revealed that a child faces an average of fifteen mins of distress created by other students in a group class, which (3) diverts his mind. Whereas, this does not happen in a private session, consequently, increasing his learning capacity(A badly structured sentence.) (It does not happen in a private session and, consequently, increases their learning capacity.)

3. Does “the group class” divert mind or “distress created by other students” divert mind? WHICH should refer to the right subject. In your sentence, I guess WHICH should be connected with “distress …….”. For instance, a recent report by the Ministry of Education revealed that during a group class students face an average of fifteen minutes of distress which diverts their mind.

To conclude, while people may vary in their opinions, I believe that individual lesson is a more constructive way of learning since it increase not only the attentiveness of a student but also the overall productivity (4).

4. Whose overall productivity? … it increases not only a student’s attentiveness but also her overall productivity.

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