Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: News And Media Affecting Lives Positively.

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

Answer:

Different people have distinct sets of views, regarding the (“the X of Y” construction) affects effects (1) of news and media on our everyday life. While some individuals think it has positive affects effects as it motivates them and widens their horizon, others believe it manipulates the mind. I believe in the former view.

1. Affect = verb; effect = noun. It has positive effects. It has affected me positively. Note that in the question statement affect is used as a verb. You’ve used it as a noun. That’s incorrect.

The first major primary reason is that people feel is motivation by watching updates shown on news and media. (2) When they telecast interviews of renowned personalities, many get motivated from them by seeing their hard work and passion towards their profession. (Pronoun mistake – they = media; them & their = personalities; ) Owing to this, they (Pronoun mistake – they = people) channelize their energy in doing constructive work such as building strong career. (3) Akshay Kumar, for example, from an ordinary child artist became one of the highest paid celebrity celebrities (“ONE OF MANY” plural) in Bollywood by adapting learning (copying) acting skills showed on them (unnecessary words. Do not make any sense.) of legendary role model actor Mr. Amitabh Bachchan. (A role model is a role model. There is nothing legendary.)

2. You’ve already mentioned motivation in the introduction. In the first sentence of BP 1, write a bit more than just mentioning motivation. Then elaborate in the following sentences. What do they feel motivated about? Watching positive news and interviews of famous personalities (news and media) motivates people to strive for more in life (a bit more about motivation). They send the message of hard work, determination, and passion for profession that are instrumental for financial success (EXPLAIN motivation for what).

3. Though you’ve done a good job in developing the arguments, these two sentences have pronoun mistakes. Let us rewrite: When the interviews of renowned personalities are telecasted, many people get motivated by their (= renowned personalities) hard work and passion for the profession. Owing to this, the people (refers back to many people. Note the use of the article ‘THE’) feel motivated to channelize their …..

The second chief cause is that news and media (two – plural.) has have helped in providing (providing what?) to many people is widening the horizon. (… helped in widening the horizon of many people.) Because they show up to the latest date information of what is happening all around the globe (4) and gives give knowledge of different cultures around the world. Housewives, to illustrate, who cannot always travel due to household commitments, do get a plethora of information about the latest fashion popular in other countries (Is this through news and media? – 5). Moreover, just by viewing them both youngsters and aged people learn about the trendy lifestyle, personality development, and effective communication skills. Just by observing anchors who are trained in body language and flawless English speaking, they absorb these behaviors (traits). various activities such as trendy lifestyle, personality development, and effective communication skills are leaned by not only youngsters but aged people also(Let us rewrite in active voice. Place youngsters and aged people before activities.) (Plus, personality development, communication skills are not activities.) (Also, explain in at least one sentence.)

4. This is a sentence fragment. That is, the sentence is not complete and such writing will impact your GR score. The right construction is “Because X, Y” or “X because Y”. You’ve written the CAUSE (X), not the EFFECT (Y). This mistake has happened because you’ve put a full stop before BECAUSE. You should have connected the first and the second sentence.

5. For instance, NDTV Fashion plays a vital role in enlightening Indian housewives, who rarely get an opportunity to venture outside their homes, to learn about fashion trends in Europe and North America.

In conclusion, although news and media have negative impacts on the (the X of Y) lives of people, benefits of them (their benefits) (Pronoun mistake: them = news and media; their = people.) in their life (Removing these words do not change your sentence’s meaning while eliminating the pronoun mistake.) such as getting motivated as well as widening the horizon cannot be ignored.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.