Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Advice From Old or Young?

Some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people as compared to young people. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

Answer:

Some people opine that it is better to get a suggestion from older people in comparison to the one from the younger population (1). I partially agree with the statement as old people can be a reliable source of advice (There is no need to write advice since you’ve written the statement. The statement = The previous statement. It includes suggestions from older people.) due to their experience gained over the years. But, the capabilities of younger generation for practical solutions in current scenario cannot be neglected. (Sentences 2 and 3 can be connected using WHILE construction.)

1. Your sentence compares a suggestion with younger people. They are incomparable. You can compare a suggestion with another suggestion. Please read my article on “Comparing the incomparable”.

Also, there are better ways to write this sentence. Writing a sentence in fewer words without losing the meaning is appreciated in all English language exams. Some people opine that the suggestions of older people are more valuable (= it is better to get) than those of youngsters. I partially agree with this statement as while old people have extensive experience, the youngsters have practical solutions for the current problems.

In today’s highly competitive world where (2) every individual faces (every = singular) a lot of challenges and finds (singular subject – 3) great difficulties in solving their problems. (Everything stated in the paragraphs is your belief. That’s what the question is. No need to mention this.) I believe that people they should rely on older age group the elderly when issues are related to personal relationships. There are various reason to support my view. Firstly, old people have a lot of experience in maintaining relationship with different roles and responsibilities. (4) Secondly, the elderly age group are not aggressive in decision making and act with patience. (The sentence is too small and simple. Add more value in terms of content and grammatical resources.) They give take time to think over every aspect and come with ideal advice that helps to strengthen any relationship. To illustrate, I would like to give example of (5) article mentioned in times magazine that said 90 % of personal relationship issues are solved effectively when older people are considered for advice(6)

2. The use of where makes your sentence incomplete since it transformes the latter part into an adjective clause giving the quality of a noun (competitive world). So, you main sentence is just “In today’s highly competitive world.” That’s just the subject. No verb, no complete thought. 

3. Subject-Verb disagreement is a common mistake that impacts the GR score.

4. You’ve begun the idea very late and left it unexplained. Firstly, integrate it into the previous sentences (as shown below). The art of integration will boost your cohesion and coherence score. Secondly, leaving an idea unexplained will cost you dearly in TR.

In today’s competitive world, (introducer –> main sentence) every individual faces a lot of challenges and finds great difficulties in solving their problems. (explain any one problem/ challenge and how the elderly can solve it) They are unable to manage their married life (challenge) and often seek the advice of the elderly who have decades of experience in issues such as resolving a conflict between husband and wife, work-life balance, and raising the children(how the elderly solve it.)

5. These words are redundant. They do not serve any purpose and do not add value to your answer.

6. This is NOT an example. Think more logically about the idea you’ve presented. Why do we need time to think over every aspect? What is included in every aspect? Be more concrete and you will find a logical argument. They take time to ponder over every aspect of a financial problem that any person can face and come up with the most appropriate advice. (explain ‘advice’ in the next sentence) If, for example, it is related to the profession, they help in upgrading the skills or finding another job. These complex issues take time and can not be solved by acting rashly.

On the contrary, I feel that young people are highly capable to deal of dealing (Read “Capable of or capable to“) with practical problems like such as global warming, economical data interpretation, and technological development etc. Younger generation always works (subject-verb disagreement. Always is an adverb) with newer ideas that attributes (This word is a misfit here.) to improvement in various fields like information and technology and Economics data interpretation (This is repetition. Instead you should have explained the young generation’s role in tackling global warming. Explanation of idea missing. TR issue. Since they have more energy than old people and have the power to build connections through social media, they work on online campaigns to plant more trees to prevent global warming. They also play an instrumental role in designing equipment that emits no poisonous gases that may increase the temperature of the earth.). The aforementioned points (Points can’t help, youngsters can. Logic problem. Will cost coherence bands.) help the nation to develop equipments that emit less poisonous gas and prevent global warming. Artificial intelligence development helps to work more efficiently that saves time (How? This point is not explained.). For example, young scientists helps help to invent 80% of new medicine in any nation and, thus, (poor connection between two clauses) helps to fight against deadly diseases from newer species of virus and bacteria.

7. This sentence is poorly structured.

To conclude, I would like to reiterate that advice both from the older population and the younger generation is of equal importance depending on the type of issue .

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