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IELTS Essay Correction: Popular Tourist Destinations.

Some people say that popular tourist destinations are receiving bad effects from travellers. Why does this happen and what can be done to resolve this?

Answer:

Due to development in the modes of transportation (1) means, many tourism businesses industries are have burgeoned which increase has increased the travellers all over the world to explore it. One school of thought avers that they have deteriorated manifold (2) tourist places by throwing litters on the way. (3)

1. Please read the difference between the MEANS and MODES of transport.

2. Manifold refers to THINGS that have different categories. It can’t qualify tourist places. But, it can refer to the problems of tourist places.

3. Note that THEY = tourist industries. How can an industry throw litter? Tourists can. LOGIC mistake. This will reduce your coherence score.

Due to rapid development in the modes of transportation, many tourist destinations are experiencing an increased inflow of tourists. This is resulting in more litter on their streets and ….. (mention at least two effects.) 

At the outset, (No need to write this. IELTS examiners want to read your natural writing style. Not something you’ve crammed. Most students do so. This prevents an increase in their scores.) irresponsible people endeavour (4) to demolish the beauty of places by throwing waste such as plastic water bottles, bags, takeaway containers on roads instead of dumping it into recycling bins. To illustrate, a report by leading newspaper in India has revealed that, (wrong punctuation) every month tons of trash have been is collected from famous lakes and beaches where every day thousands of tourists arrive are arriving in India. (5) Furthermore, numerous sculptures are vandalized by foolish people (are they tourists? TR.) while curving carving their name on them (use a plural pronoun to refer to a plural subject.) (Moreover, many tourists carve their names on scriptures and vandalize them.) it. The consequence is that many incredible places are now closed for all the visitors. (Can you write more specifically? Can you think of a famous place that may have encountered this problem? The Taj Mahal, for instance, has been disfigured as a large number of tourists act foolishly and write their names on this monument of love.)

4. Wrong word choice. Do they deliberately commit this act and strive hard to do it? I’m sure no.

5. Since you’re referring to the regularity of the event through every month and everyday, you need to use the simple present tense. Plus, this is NOT an example. Let us rewrite more concretely. For instance, more than one million tourists visit Goa’s beaches every month and litter them with about a ton of plastic waste every day. This has not only made the beaches unattractive but also damaged marine life along the coast.

To protect the popular places the apex authority (What’s that? Is this the court or the government? Lack of clarity in your message. LR issue.) must make some stringent code of conduct such as etiquettes of disposing plastic and paper waste  heavy fine and long-term jail (6) for demolishing it. This rule code was adopted by many developed nations and result is, , as a result, neither visitors neither (7) throw garbage nor touch it. (8) Moreover, the state should encourage (9) teach the tourists regarding who how to keep the places neat and clean. (Do not leave the idea unexplained. Develop the argument completely. TR issue. Please explain how the state can teach.) Also, (missing subject. Who is telling?) tell them about the obstacles due to litters (LR issue. The plural of litter is litter. Not litters.) which are thrown by them on roads. (This idea is also not explained. What do you mean by obstacles? How can the state inform them of the obstacles?)Apart from this, the government must provide all the equipment to volunteers for cleaning the places. So that waste materials can (10) be lifted up in a short span of time.

6. Another LR issue. The ‘code of conduct’ refers to a set of rules governing behavior. Heavy fine and jail term are not behavior issues.

7. Wrong construction. Visitors are NOT doing two things – throw and touch. So, the common part (visitors) should stay outside the neither X nor Y” construction.

8. This is not an example. Write more concretely. When the city of Paris recently imposed a code of conduct on all visitors, the Effiel tower authorities found that the cost of cleaning the tower fell by more than 90 percent in just one week.

9. That’s another LR issue. You can TEACH them how to keep a place clean. You can ENCOURAGE them to keep a place clean. Buy, you can’t encourage them about how to keep a place clean.

10. Waste material can’t lift itself. Someone will. Use a passive voice if you do not want to mention the subject.

To conclude, although the tourism industry includes its is a major aspect in component of the economy so and the government cannot stop the people from visiting the places, awareness and fine for breaking laws could help the countries to protect it. (protect what? IT needs a singular noun. But, places is plural.)    

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