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IELTS Essay Correction: 18 Years Olds As Adults.

Many countries consider eighteen-years-olds to be adults, while other countries don’t. What do you think about it? Give your opinion and some relevant examples based on your own experience.

Answer:

Different countries have distinct sets of policies, (1) considering eighteen years olds as adults or not. (Different countries have different policies regarding the minimum age of adults.) While some countries believe (2) they (3) are adults as they are living live (there is a lot of difference between present continuous and simple present.independently since long (since when? Does not make sense. How does the time period matter? It makes the sentence hard to understand and creates confusion.), others believe (2) they are dependent on parents so they are not adults. I believe in the latter view.

1. Please note that “considering ….. or not” is a modifier. It is forced to borrow subject from the main sentence. This is a wrong construction. Please refer to voice notes.

2. How can countries BELIEVE? People can.

3. What is the difference between they and them? Read this article “THEY vs THEM

While some countries consider them as adults since they live independently, others treat them as dependants and, hence, they are legally minors.

On the one hand, independence in a young (what is a young teenage? LR issue.) teenage is the primary reason that why most of the countries believe that treat (2) eighteen years olds are adults (make it plural) an adult. Since, in most of the countries, (This is an introducer – 4) children start living of on their own by the age of fifteen, they earn money, cook food, and drive. (5) Used to of this habit, (6) when they turn eighteen they have a plethora of experience to deal with situations maturely. In America, the minimum legal age to drive as a learner is sixteen as its government believe that driver is becoming becomes mature enough to understand and abide by rules and regulations of driving; so, by the time they turn eighteen they are considered as adult drivers.

4. Read my article to understand the nature of introductory words

5. I think you have flipped the cause and effect. Since, in most countries, children earn money, cook food, and drive at the age of fifteen (CAUSE), they begin living on their own (EFFECT).

6. This is a fundamental modifier mistake. A modifier modifies the word it is placed next to. Here, it can’t modify WHEN. The word “WHEN” can’t become used to a habit. “THEY” can become used to. Read more in my article on MODIFIERS.

On the other hand, eighteen years old children dependent on parents is the chief cause that of why many countries do not consider them as adults. (Many countries do not consider eighteen-year-olds as adults because they are dependent on their parents.) As in some countries, In these countries, parents are considered the head of the family. They and are given first priority for taking any decision for the welfare of fellow members. For instance, in India, until children turn twenty-one, their suggestions are not entertained in important family matters as they are still regarded as immature. Due to this financial and social dependence, they are not considered adults in India. (Connect with adulthood as a legal concept in a country.) Moreover, the minimum age for the right to vote is twenty-one in some countries as eighteen years olds are still considered immature to take wise decisions for the betterment of country. (Why? Explain the idea.)

In conclusion, and in my opinion, although eighteen years olds are mature enough to take wise decisions for themselves, they should not be considered important for taking making life long decisions for the family as well as the country.

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