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IELTS Essay Correction: TV Advertisements Have Benefits.

Some people say that TV advertisements have benefits, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both views, give your opinion, and include examples from your experience.

Answer:

In this modern era, television has become a primary source of advertisement. While some people say that it is beneficial to society since it creates abundant job opportunities, I believe that it unnecessarily elevates the base price of products. 

On the one side, various people are involved in shooting for a (wrong article) television commercials. A basic video shoot of an advertisement (You’ve already written this in the previous sentence. Let us use a pronoun) It requires a camera instructor, an actor, a director, and a video editor to make it presentable on screen, thus creating employment in numerous domains. (1) Additionally, when it is telecasted on the television, it generates revenue for the channels and creates indirect (Note that the employment in the previous sentence is direct.) employment. (You can further develop the idea with this sentence.) The NDTV channel recently reported that, in India, television adverts create one million jobs every year for people working in various fields ranging from a lightman to an actor. Thus, television advertisements they are beneficial for society since it plays they play a crucial role for in generating jobs.

1. “Creating employment in numerous domains” has a missing subject. It is a sentence fragment that is poorly connected with the main sentence. Worse, it fails to borrow subject from the former part of the main sentence. Let us create a compound sentence using AND. It requires a camera ……. on screen and, thus, creates employment in numerous domains.

On the other side, due to the high cost of producing a video commercial, the market price of the a product increases. To compensate the money spent in on (Spend on OR spend in?) hiring an actor, director, and makeup artist to make an advertisement, many firms add a significant amount to the manufacturing cost of the a product (This is not a specific product.) ; consequently, which leads leading to its high retail price. (Same mistake as explained in point number 1.) For instance, in India, when Shahrukh khan, the brand ambassador of the Coca-Cola company, charged twenty million dollars yearly from the organization, the company made an increase in it increased (wordy sentence) the price of its bottle from 10 rupees to 15 rupees to cover-up cover (pay) the hefty expense.

To recapitulate, although some people think that television commercials benefit society by providing employment to a plethora of individuals, I believe that it leads to an unnecessary hike in the a product’s cost. (Not a specific product.)

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