Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Countryside And New Homes.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for them is the countryside. Some people think its more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Answer:

There has always been a demand for new residential houses (1) in many areas, but sometimes the (Is it a specific piece of land? No. So, the use of the is wrong.) appropriate land is not available. An alternative A solution to this problem (2) can be constructing new properties at countryside. However, in my opinion, its it is more (It’s either significant or not. There’s nothing more or less significant. LR issue.) significant to protect the countryside and keeping keep (3) it intact from any construction(You can’t keep something intact FROM something. You just keep it intact. Please check the dictionary meaning of intact. LR issue.)

1. Houses are meant to reside. Both words convey the same meaning. LR issue.

2. We search for solutions to problems. Not alternatives.

3. This is a violation of parallelism. keep needs to be parallel to protect. Please read my article on the Rules of Parallelism.

Note that the reasons you’ve mentioned are not concrete. They are not specific (less clear). Why keep the countryside intact? This may impact your TR score. Read my paragraph below and note the use of SO and WHICH to connect different sentences and clauses.

There has always been a demand for new houses, but sometimes appropriate land is not available. So, companies are compelled to build them in the countryside, which, in my opinion, destroys the serenity and sanctity of the place.

There may be many reasons for protecting the countryside from any new construction. (You’re supposed to write this statement in the introduction and you have done so. There is no need to write it again and reduce your LR score.) Firstly, preserving our natural ecosystem which includes trees and wildlife (This is a sentence fragment. – 4). There is a rich density of trees, wildlife living in the countryside, and (5) building new humans homes will result in the (note the construction: the X of Y) devastation of entire natures natural habitat. (6) Since trees absorb harmful greenhouse gases from the atmosphere, the air quality is likely to deteriorate. As a result, air quality will deteriorate and will become more polluted. (air quality deteriorate = pollution. Both convey the same message.) Secondly, the government needs more funds to construct entire (unnecessary word) roads and highways systems to connect the countryside with towns or cities, which in turn can take longer commute times for the daily commuters, (7) and also result in a significant load on financial economy. Finally, there may be some unique things about any countryside, for example – countrysides have unique things, such as ancient sites, rare species, or walking trails. These things , which serve as country heritage and can be used as the tourist attractions or heritage sites. Which we need to protect. (Sentence construction is not optimum. Use such as to give examples within a sentence. Place it next to the word it exemplifies.) (Can’t start a sentence with WHICH unless it is a question statement.)

4. Your sentence is incomplete. A sentence must have a subject and a verb (at least). Your sentence has a noun phrase (preserving our natural ecosystem) and an adjective clause (which includes trees and wildlife). But there is no action (verb). 

5. A comma can’t connect two independent clauses.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions. Develop arguments in a logical manner. Otherwise, you will lose coherence and TR bands.

7. WHICH modifies the word it is placed next to. In your sentence, it modifies towns or cities. It means: towns or cities take longer commute times ….. This is clearly wrong. It is advisable to break this hard-to-read sentence into two: Secondly, the government needs funds to construct roads and highway systems to connect to the countryside with towns and cities. It not only results in longer commute time for those working in the cities but also strains financial resources of the state.

Many solutions (8) can be deployed to fulfill the need of for new housing for example- new multi stories apartments can be constructed where there is need. Which (Can’t start a new sentence with which unless it is a question statement.) will not only serve the housing needs of people but also will (9) reduce the commute time and traffic congestion. (Need to give an example here. For example, Gurgaon, a metropolis in North India, is developed on this model where those living in multi-story apartments work in nearby offices and malls. Verticle development allows a large number of people to live in a small space and this frees up land for more development. There is no need to search land in the countryside.) In addition to it, the land scarcity problem will also be solved. (Either explain this or don’t write it. I’ve explained it in two sentences.) Other solution can be creating the parking structures underground by creating the underground parking structures (= parked structures underground. Repetition.) more land can be used for the construction of new living places. 

8. Why write many solutions when you are mentioning ONE solution. A solution is not an example. Give a solution and then an example of that solution. The need for new housing can be fulfilled by building multi-story apartments.

9. “will not only X but also Y” = “not only will X but also will Y

In Conclusion, the countryside has always served as an ancient heritage and other (alternatives are always other. LR issue.) alternatives should be taken into consideration to solve the housing problem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.