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IELTS Essay Correction: Online Study Effective And Convenient.

Some people say that online study is the most effective and convenient way to learn. Others believe that online study will never be as effective as learning at school, in person. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Different people have distinct sets of views, regarding learning online or at school. While some individuals think online studies are most effective and convenient as they have everlasting effects on the mind, others believe studying at school provides a disciplined environment for students. I strongly believe in the latter view.

On the one hand, online classes are effective and convenient for students as the lessons recorded on them is are viewed and listened n number of several times. (Unnecessary use of passive voice. – 1) Because of this, (No need of because of this. It’s unnecessary.) it (IT does not refer to any subject in the previous sentence. They are all plural.) helps them to understand certain topics in a better way as they see video repetitively until they understand the concept. For example, YouTube, which is the best online search engine students use (It’s obvious that students will use it for studies. No need to write this.) for studies, has a plethora of videos uploaded by trained teachers from different parts of the world. These videos can be played at any time and from any place convenient for them (This pronoun does not have a clear reference.)(2)

1. On the one hand, online classes are convenient for students as they can watch the lessons numerous times as long as they do not understand them completely.

2. The example can be built more strongly by linking a student in India with a teacher at Harvard. For example, a medical student in India can use Youtube to watch videos on different diseases from the Harvard Medical School in the United States multiple times. He can learn from the world’s best teachers while sitting comfortably in his bedroom

On the other hand, when students learn at schools, they get guidance from experienced teachers and their performance is also (unnecessary use of also. Cohesion bands may be impacted.) shared with parents whereas studying online (3) does not guarantee that.(You’ve not explained GUIDANCE. Complete the idea.) (4) In addition, schools (why repeat the word teach?) teachers teach them to be disciplined in life such as (wrong placement of such as. – 5) by following the time table, wearing a tidy uniform, and maintaining clean habitat. (Is this not possible through online sessions? Connect the two.) Moreover, they help them (Who helps whom? Pronoun mistake.) to come up with different hidden talents (6), this helps them to present themselves in front of the class and overcome their shyness. For instance, in Convent Schools, doubt clearing sessions are held for students, due to which they feel comfortable to speak up in front of the classmates members without feeling the (the X of Y construction) fear of sounding stupid.

3. You can’t compare schools with studying online. While the former is a noun, the latter is an action. Compare two nouns: schools and online study.

4. On the other hand, schools play an instrumental role in guiding students on various topics. While online classes have a limited capacity to discuss doubts, a classroom discussion between a teacher and students has a magical effect of clearing all doubts.

5. Place such as next to the word it exemplifies. You are not giving an example of LIFE. These are perhaps activities. Let us rewrite: Additionally, schools teach them discipline in life through activities such as …… This is often impossible through online videos since they can not force students to practice these habits every day.

6. You’ve clubbed TWO ideas in this sentence – hidden talents and overcome shyness. Please write only one idea and develop it completely. Rewrite: Moreover, classroom sessions help students explore their talents through different practice sessions.

In conclusion, although online studies have numerous benefits, studying at school makes (subject-verb disagreement) students disciplined and presentable in front of others which not only helps them showing good performance at school but also once they move ahead in life for building the builds a strong career. (Parallelism in not only but also construction.)

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