Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Global Warming And Deforestation.

While some people consider global warming to be the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

While some people believe that global warming is the most critical environmental issue since it leads to extreme weather conditions, others believe that deforestation has more deadly consequences since as it not only leads to loss of habitat for animals but also results in an increase (… but also increases the concentration) of harmful gases in the atmosphere. I agree with the latter view.

On the one hand, global warming causes extreme heatwaves in summers, heavy rainfalls in the rainy season, and freezing cold winds in winters around the globe. (Good beginning with elaboration about extreme weather events.) Many scientists (1) have observed that every year the average temperature of the earth is rising by 1.2 degree celsius during summers and falling by 2.2 degree celsius during winters due to the detrimental effects of global warming. (How does this compare with deforestation? The question demands a comparison. While deforestation can lead to an increase in local temperature, global warming results in the melting of ice at a global scale. It, thus, impacts even the areas where there is no cutting of trees. For instance, the melting of ice in Antarctica is increasing sea levels and resulting in submergence of coastal areas where there is no deforestation.) From this observation, it is predicted that the average earth temperature can rise more than 50 degree celsius in 2050, which is unbearable for humankind and wildlife to survive.

1. While the act of observation is in the past, the sentence is in the present.

On the other hand, some people think that cutting down trees adversely impacts the life of wild animals. In Mumbai, a local newspaper revealed that when the government destroyed 500 square foot area of the Arrey forest to build a metro station, many wild animals were seen on Mumbai the city’s streets since they had (2) lost their natural habitat. (3) Moreover, trees and plants absorb harmful gases such as Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen, and Sodium sulfate. Therefore, scarcity of trees can result in an accumulation of such harmful gases in the atmosphere, which can affect the lungs of human beings. (How does this compare with global warming? Severe loss of TR.)

2. The sequence of events is: they lost home –> they were seen on streets. The event which is in the PAST of the PAST should have the past perfect tense.

3. Loss of TR. The question asks “Deforestation has a more devastating impact”. This demands a comparison between global warming and deforestation. I can’t see that. While global warming leads to long term changes for which humans can plan and allocate resources, deforestation has an immediate and local level impact. It suddenly disrupts people’s lives and, thus, has a more severe impact. The extensive deforestation of the Himalayas is leading to massive landslides in the Kumaon region and has left a million people homeless while destroying the entire local economy. 

To recapitulate, although some individuals believe that the most severe issue in the world is global warming, I believe that deforestation has more drastic effects than it due to its dire consequences on wild animals and atmosphere.

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