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IELTS Essay Correction: Use Animals For Testing.

Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing the medicines intended for human beings, others however think it is cruel and unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Some individuals believe that medication developed for citizens (this is not a synonym for humans. Humans may be non-citizens.) humans should be first applied on animals, while others argue that conducting such experiments is brutal and worthless. Though testing the vaccination firstly on animals proves its suitability and effectiveness on human beings, in my opinion, it adversely affects the health of animals.

Remedies discovered by scientists should be first applied on to animals to test the efficiency of drugs. (New drugs should first be applied on animals to test their efficiency and effectiveness.) Injecting medicines them (1) in animals will demonstrate their benefits and, thus, reveals their capacity of medicines to cure diseases. Moreover, it will also indicate their negative influences of medicines and, as a result, (3) so that required modifications can be made. For example, in the USA, in 2011, natural immunity booster medicines was were (plural subject) first tried on lions, and later on, recommended to patients when appropriate (avoid word repetition) favourable results were achieved. (4) It is not an appropriate method as it damages the body of animals. (Your paragraph is about the benefits of application on animals. Not about its pitfalls.)

2. You do not need to find a new word every time. Write ‘DRUGS’ at the beginning of the paragraph and then keep using a pronoun to refer back to it.

3. Modifications are not a result of negative influences. There can be a better connector between the two clauses.

4. This is not a strong example. You need to touch the idea’s core. Which favourable or unfavourable results? Be more specific. Write something like: If a medicine, for example, fails to treat the coronavirus in mice and leads to adverse blood reactions, it can be improved before application on humans.

Such experiments, on the other hand, have an (wrong article with plural – consequences.) adverse consequences on the health of animals. Since the medicines are in the trial process, (5) and are not approved in terms of safety. Therefore, (5) giving those medicines them to animals sometimes badly impact their behavior, and make them more aggressive. (Isn’t aggressiveness a behavioral trait? AND is not the best instrument to connect them. See point 5 below.) It may also damage their body parts, and, in some extreme situations, even causes their death. For instance, in India, drugs invented by medical scientist to cure deadly diseases such as AIDS the AIDS drug was first tested on monkeys before giving it (IT can’t refer to drugs. But it can refer to the AIDS drug.) to individuals. However, (There is nothing to express contrast with the previous sentence. Wrong use of a cohesive device. – 6) those medicines damaged the legs of the monkeys. Therefore, such methods should not be implemented.

5. Wrong punctuation. “Since X, Y”. The X is still continuing. Wrong full-stop (period) and wrong use of ‘therefore’. You don’t need to use therefore with since construction. Also, you need to separate X and Y with a comma, not a period. Since medicines are in the trial process and are not approved for safe use, administering (giving) them to animals may adversely impact their behavior by making them more aggressive.

6. For instance, in India, the testing of the AIDS vaccine on monkeys before application on humans damaged their legs. Thus, it is an inhuman way of developing medicines.

In conclusion, though testing the medicines developed by doctors first on animals explains whether the treatment is appropriate for individuals humans or not, it has an numerous harmful impacts on animals.

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