Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Private Schools And Taxes.

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Answer:

Many of (no need of a preposition here.) individuals believe that parents should not pay mandatory tolls (this is not a perfect synonym for taxes. It distorts the context. Try not to change the NOUNS mentioned in the question statement.) which aids local government education system, in case their kids are going to private institutions. (1) In my opinion, (If you disagree, that’s obviously your opinion. Why repeat it in different words?) I disagree with the above statement in many ways.

1. The right placement of words in a sentence creates an optimum structure. You have three clauses to connect: parents should not pay taxes; government education system; kids going to private institutions. Many individuals believe that parents, whose kids study in private institutions, should not pay taxes that aid the local government education system.

Firstly, the government has already constructed many institutions which are owned by state authorities and (2) they are well capable of to provide providing (capable + of + (verb)ing.) the same quality of education as compared to provided by private schools. (“the same X as Y” construction) So, (3) it is your a parent’s personal choice to opt for the private education. As a result, you he are is not liable to demand for tax rebate, related to state education system. (4) Secondly, there are many instances where people pay public taxes, but they may not use the services provided in the entire lifetime for example- ambulance, fire department. (5) (The question is about education. Not about fire department.) Finally, the tax system is so complex that it is very difficult to track about the individual family records. (TR issue. What does this have to do with education.)

2. The sentence is unnecessarily wordy. What is the need to write constructed? Let us re-write more economically: Firstly, the government owned institutions are capable of ….

3. There is no CAUSE and EFFECT link between the first and the second sentence. Even if the government institutions provide inferior education, the parents still have the freedom to choose.

4. I think you’ve not understood the question. The taxes are NOT related to the education system. If your child studies in a private institution, you should not be liable to pay ANY tax (education cess, etc) that goes towards funding the state’s institutions. Moreover, REBATES are not related to the education system. TAXES are. As a result, he can not demand rebate on taxes that fund the state’s education system.

5. The right placement of words. Fire department is not an example of lifetimeSecondly, there are many instances where people pay taxes for services such as the fire brigades but never use them.

In my opinion, fortunate (fortunate in what sense? Not clear.) people in society shall should pay an equal share of money (Are these parents whose kids study in private schools? Not mentioned. Loss of TR.) to the local education system. (6) This will not only raise the level of education (What is the meaning of level of education? Not clear.) (This will not only make the society more literate ….) but also will (WILL is common for both X and Y.) create equal opportunities for every student. As a result, more skilled workforce can be created which can serve the country at administrative levels. For example, Dr. Manmohan Singh, who served as the Prime Minister of India for 10 years, attained his education from Government schools. (I can’t see the role of taxes in this example. Loss of TR.)

6. In my opinion, it is the duty of the parents who can afford to educate their children in convent schools to bear the burden of education-related taxes so that underprivileged children can get a quality education.

In Conclusion, despite of your own choices, an individual shall never ask for tax rebates when it is specifically for education. (Need to work on education. But, for now, we have to focus on other areas. We’ll come to this.)

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