Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Science Subjects In University.

In many countries, students do not want to study science subjects at university, why is this happening? What will be the consequences of this for society?

Answer:

Irrefutably, in most of the countries, (1) students do not consider science subjects as favorable ones. (2) It is primarily because for them these subjects do not provide better career opportunities for them and teachers are loosing jobs and wastage of natural resources are the consequences in society for not studying these subjects(Since “CONSEQUENCES” is a separate idea, let us write a separate sentence. Otherwise, it is difficult for a reader to determine the point where reasons end and consequences begin.) It is negatively impacting job opportunities for science teachers and leading of wastage of natural resources. (Note parallelism.)

1. “In most of the countries” is an introducer/ interrupter. Put a comma after that. Please read the article on “Introductory Words.

2. Not the best word choice. In most of the countries, students are developing a disinclination towards science subjects.” OR “In most of the countries, students are preferring to study non-science subjects at the university level.”

In tertiary education, (Introducer – point 1.) the student’s chief priority is sharpening technical skills such as sharpening mathematical problems and practicing computer languages. (3) They aspire to become English language authors, lawyers, and accountants (4) therefore they focus on specific subjects to get job rather than giving time to science subjects such as physics, chemistry, and biology. (5) Moreover, in today’s world, (another interrupter) most of the work is done by computers. So, students never consider science subjects for career development, (6) aspiring software professionals devote their energy to do learn coding related to computer languages. (So, aspiring software professionals devote their energy to learn coding in C language instead of spending several years in science degrees that teach biology, calculus, and chemistry.)

3. You are providing examples of skills. But, sharpening and practicing are not skills. They are activities. Also, mathematical problems are not skills. …. technical skills such as computer languages and engine repair.

4. Same problem as in your previous essay. This is a run-on sentence. You’ve not placed a connector. Please read my comments in the previous essay and correct this sentence.

5. Please note that while your previous sentence is on technical skills, this sentence is on non-science subjects. There is no connection between the two sentences. This will have the dual impact of hampering TR score (you’ve failed to explain the idea) and loss of cohesion and coherence. Note the connection in the following sentences: In tertiary education, a student’s chief priority is sharpening technical skills such as computer language and engine repair. Most companies are interested in hiring students who have some practical know-how of business activities. Science students, on the other hand, have theoretical knowledge of chemistry and mathematics which are not needed to generate revenue from customers.

6. Do not separate two independent clauses using a comma. You committed this mistake in the previous essay as well.

(7) Firstly, teachers of science subjects who take home tuitions will lose a source of earning as the students will not take private coaching. They will only take coaching classes of subjects like A, B and C that intersts interest them like Maths, English, and French which will result in jobless for science teachers. professors who are only good in science subjects. Secondly, these subjects teach the (the X of Y) importance of natural resources such as plants, water, and minerals for the (the X of Y) existence of life (wrong use of whereaswhereas not . Not studying about (wrong use of aboutthem will lead to depletion of natural resources and the (the X of Y) survival of people will be difficult.

7. There has to be some connection between BP 1 and BP 2. It may be implicit or explicit. Since an implicit connection is not possible here, let us use an explicit device. This development is leading to job losses for science teachers. They not only teach in universities but also take home tuitions and when students lose inclination for science, they lose their source of livelihood.

In conclusion, although science subjects are not the (the X of Y) main source (a subject can’t be a source of something. LR issue.) of for providing building (LR issue.) a strong career, they are important for helping society in not only keeping the jobs of professors but also maintaining a green and clean environment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.