Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Academic Subjects VS Practical Skills.

Some people want academic subjects such as history and physics to be taught at secondary school. Others want practical skills such as mechanical (mechanical what? This word is an adjective. It needs a noun to exist.) and gardening to be taught. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

Some people argue that students of higher classes (1) must be taught academic disciplines such as history and physics as it they (plural pronoun to refer to plural subject) will help them to (no need of a pronoun here. The sentence is complete.) get white-collar jobs, while others believe that curriculums must involve practical subjects like mechanical (mechanical what? LR issue.), gardening since it motivates they motivate individuals to express themselves. I agree with the formal view.

1. Using synonyms requires a proper understanding of a word. Higher classes is NOT a synonym for secondary school

Learning practical disciplines encourages (you subject is learning practical disciplines. Voice notes.) human beings to express their emotions. Some of the students do not have linguistic capabilities and are not able unable to convert their thoughts into language for communication. Studying practical subjects develops (voice notes) creativity and imaginative (2) skills and, as a result, students (need a plural subject to link with a plural pronoun – theircan reveal their ideas, views, and opinion through their work. (Note that even if I remove their before ideas and work, the sentence is still complete. Sometimes, we use pronouns unnecessarily. But, this will NOT impact your bands.) For example, a survey conducted by psychologist revealed that teaching visual arts to students of secondary schools motivates (this is the RIGHT verb form that you failed to write twice in this paragraph. See above.) them to express their feelings through their artworks such as paintings and music. In my opinion, gaining knowledge of such subjects is not beneficial as it does not help to earn a livelihood.

2. Please use the words carefully. Imaginative is an adjective. If a skill is imaginative, it means the quality of the skill is imaginative. But, you want to NAME a skill. That should be a noun. The right word is imagination.

On the other hand, I support the view that academic subjects in secondary schools provide students with better job prospects in the future. Numerous Only these students (build context by linking secondary schools and universities, and link with the previous sentence.) (3) courses like bachelor‘s in commerce, bachelor‘s in science are available in universities related to academic subjects, (Universities are NOT related to academic subjects. They teach subjects of all kinds. Don’t use the word related in this context.) and graduating in such courses provides (voice notes) youngsters with various employment opportunities in the field of teaching, and engineering. For instance, many Indian colleges provide graduation and post-graduation degree in science to students who have studied science in schools and, thus, they can work as engineers in multinational companies while those who study practical subjects rarely find rewarding employment. (Let us compare the two ideas.) Therefore, theoretical subjects are beneficial as they provide employment prospects.

3. Let us rewrite the sentence: Only these students (reference to students in secondary schools) are eligible for university courses such as bachelor’s in science that (connector/ determiner) ensure employment in teaching and engineering fields. After completing academic education in mathematics, physics, and chemistry, students in India can take the exam for the prestigious Indian Institute Technology which attracts employers from all parts of the world.

To conclude, though practical subjects helps help to express feelings in a creative way, studying academic subjects provide better employment opportunities.

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