Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Leave Rural Areas To Work In Cities.

Nowadays in many countries, young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. Is it a positive or negative development?

Answer:

In today’s time, in most of the countries, young people migrate from rural areas to cities for study or work (education or employment). I strongly believe that it is a positive development as it helps young ones them (let us use a pronoun to refer back to ‘young people’ in the previous sentence.) to build a strong career and have the a better standard of living.

While studying in rural areas schools (1) have teachers who are not professionals in teaching (why repeat teach? See point 1 below.) subjects such as maths, science, and English, in cities education institutions have highly experienced and qualified professors who helps help young ones to understand concepts thoroughly and clearly. (Can you elaborate a bit more? Just in one sentence. See 1) Moreover, classroom environment (where? In rural areas?) in villages is not effective enough for young ones to show their skills of participation among classmates. (Moreover, the focus of village schools is on rote learning and not on developing the confidence of the students.) In cities the urban education system, group discussions, debates, and stage presentations are mostly conducted so that they feel confident to present themselves on moving forward in a career(Doesn’t make any sense.)

1. SCHOOLS can’t study in RURAL AREAS. Change the sentence structure. While rural schools do not have teachers who have a deep knowledge of their subject matter, those (compare schools) in the urban areas have qualified professionals who …. Rural teachers rarely employ innovative methodologies such as smart classes to impart lessons. 

Further, when young ones shift from rural areas to cities, (When X, Y construction) they get better jobs in all areas (avoid repeating area) fields such as in manufacturing units, agriculture, and construction sites. (Note that manufacturing, construction are the areas. Not units and sites.) They are generally in demand for doing loading and unloading work in factories, farming sowing and harvesting in farms. These works enable them to earn the plethora a significant amount of money which they use to purchase a bike, a small furnitured room. Thus, their standard of living improves which is not possible by staying at in rural areas as there are very few sources of earning and wages are also very low less.

In conclusion, although young ones live separately from their families when they migrate from rural areas to cities, they become successful professionals and upgrade their way of living this . This (Understand the right place to end a sentence. End it when an idea is finished or when the sentence is not hard-to-read. Your “although X, Y” construction ends here.) not only helps them individually but also provides financial support to their families.

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