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IELTS Essay Correction: Television Useful For Education Or Entertainment.

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 Answer:

While some would (no need of would) argue that television is beneficial for entertainment purposes and some (Construction: While X, Y. Do not use ‘and’ with ‘while‘.) , others say it is worthy advantageous for education. However, (Wrong use of however. Voice notes.) I believe, its main role is just to entertain us which is why people watch it to take a short break from their busy lives.

Television is one of the tools to enhance learning. There are a number of tv programmes which are based on science, history and geography, (missing connector – 1) provides that provide a depth of knowledge about the subject (of course, this is about science, history, geography.with the help of multiple visuals and interactive themes. For example, as per the a recent report published by the Ministry of Broadcasting revealed that , (2) 78% of people prefer to watch Discovery channel to boost their knowledge about marine life, new inventions, documentaries, (documentaries boost our knowledge. We can’t boost our knowledge about them through the channel.) and the history because they find that platform quite easy to acquire things. (3) I opined opine that people they do not watch these programmes seriously for knowledge; rather, they watch it for enjoyment. 

1. Please note that we need a determiner here to refer to programs.

2. ‘As per’ can’t reveal. But, a report can. Follow any one of the following structures: “As per a recent report, …..” OR “A recent report has revealed ….”

3. There is no need to write about the Ministry of Broadcasting. You can clearly write: For example, most people prefer to watch the Discovery channel to learn about marine life in the Indian ocean and wildlife in the Himalayas instead of watching movies.

On the other hand, there are those who believe I support the view that television is useful for entertainment. These days, everybody is leading a busy life and they find it difficult to go outside for recreational activities, however, (Wrong use of however. Voice notes.) . Instead, they watch different serials and movies, which makes them more refreshed and energetic. I strongly believe at a boring stage men and women does not watch programmes to learn something instead they watch it for their enjoyment to feel good. (This sentence does not add any value. Instead, it is a repetition of the previous sentences.) While they can read books, magazines, and newspapers for education, and search the internet of information, they need television to relax and destress. For instance, during coronavirus related lockdown period in March 2020, it was revealed that 89% of men and women agreed that to entertain themselves from boredom (4) they watch TV programmes and to gain educational knowledge they take help from the internet. (This is NOT an example. I can’t see it touch the core of the idea with specificity. For instance, during the coronavirus related lockdown in March 2020, most Indians watched Bollywood and Hollywood movies on television instead of spending time on educational channels.)

4. You can’t ‘entertain from boredom’. You can ‘get rid of boredom’ or ‘relieve yourself of boredom’.

While watching television programmes help viewers to broaden their knowledge, I, however, believe that it is used for entertainment because it keeps viewers engaged and they watch it to decrease their anxiety levels.

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