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IELTS Essay Correction: Reduce Consumption Of Fossil Fuels.

The international community must act immediately to ensure that all countries reduce their consumption of fossil fuels such as gas, oil, and coal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion. 

Answer:

The international community should make sure that every country must reduce the (the X of Y) consumption of fossil fuels such as gas, oil, and coal. (1) I strongly believe fossil fuels they (these natural resources) should be preserved as they ensures the (the X of Y) survival of people for a longer period of time.

1. There are better ways to paraphrase the sentence’s statement: All countries must take sincere policy initiatives to curtail the consumption of fossil fuels.

In most of the countries, people use gases for the smooth work of appliances, to cook, and drive gasolene (Which gases? I think you’re talking about gasolene) for driving and cooking. These gases are It (2) is generally made by mixing water and chemicals. It leads to depletion of water, which is must for the survival of people as body is made up of 70 percent water (Water is not 70%. Body is 70% water. …. as 70 percent of the human body is made up of water.). Thus, international community should pass a law in which the specific liters of water should be provided to countries for a consumption. (Is this water coming from the reduction in the use of fossil fuels? Thus, global platforms, such as the United Nations, must pass international laws to curtail the use of fossil fuels by at least 50 percent so that more water can be conserved for human consumption.)

2. These two sentences are simple sentences. They can be combined to create a complex sentence. In most countries, people use gasolene, which is made by mixing water and chemicals, for cooking and driving.

Moreover, worldwide, oil such as kerosene and diesel burns in factories for work of (Unnecessary words. Make little sense.) manufacturing products and running of (unnecessary preposition) machines. Certain harmful gases are emitted (Passive voice. Use the second form of the verb) from these oils and it leads to pollution in the air. When elder people go out for a walk or jogging, they feel a problem in breathing as they inhale polluted this air (don’t repeat the word pollution.) and, in worst cases, (This is an interrupter. It needs to be placed within two commas.) some even die. This is why, in every country, oil should be utilized (Passive voice. Use the second form of the verb) in a very less quantity so that people can live a fit and healthy life. (I can’t read the role of international community.)

Note that, in the above paragraph, the first and second sentences can be combined: Moreover, worldwide, the burning of oils, such as kerosene and diesel, for manufacturing products and running machines produces harmful gases that lead to environmental pollution. When the elderly and children breathe in this air, their lungs are damaged. Since no country can curtail its dependence on oil, the international community must act to save lives throughout the world.

Furthermore, in any country, the mining and refining of coal requires a huge area of land. So refining it is very expensive as with increasing population land available is extremely costly (Your placement of words is not in a logical order.) With a rapidly increasing human population, the land is becoming scarce and, hence, coal refining is becoming a costly affair. Also, the same land that is used for storing coal cannot be used for any other purpose in the future as the soil beneath it becomes toxic and loses its productivity. (LR issue. Use the most appropriate words.) gets dead and area smells fouly. For example, in 2001, (need a comma here) when the Kathmandu government ordered the cleaning of 100 tonnes coal, 1000 hectares of land burnt and till now that land could not be used for any purpose such as agriculture or building houses(Not a suitable example. Your example needs to be specifically on land toxicity.) For example, in the coal belt of India, due to the refining of coal, the soil is rich in heavy metals such as lead which have rendered it unsuitable for agriculture.

In conclusion, in my opinion, although utilizing fossil fuels are is providing a plethora of benefits to people all over the globe, the international community must ensure, the fossil fuels, should be that fossil fuels are preserved. As as they not only help people for survival but also are (parallelism. HELP = verb; CRUCIAL = adjective) crucial for maintaining the habitat of animals. 

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