Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Men And Women Work Full-Time.

In many countries, women and men are working full-time. It is, therefore, logical for women and men to share household tasks. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Nowadays, in many parts of the world, since both men and (no role of men in this sentence.) women work full-time to earn a better living for the family, women they have a hard time performing the household work alone. Therefore, I believe that men must also come forward to share the responsibility as it reduces the physical burden on women and saves more time for family relations.

Working women have a hectic schedule handling the housekeeping work ranging from (1) washing laundry, feeding children to cooking meals, while and (2) working as a software engineer, and marketing executive at the same time. If men offer help by sharing the domestic work, it will reduce the hefty burden on them, which will ensure their physical well-being stability. For instance, a recent study by the World Health Organisation revealed that women who handle the household work alone tend to age fast, while those whose husbands share the work with them their husbands stay young and energetic.

1. Loss of parallelism. “Ranging from X, Y to Z”. X, Y, Z should be parallel. 

2. Women have a hectic schedule due to two things – handling AND working. The right connecting device is AND. Another structure can be: Working women have to not only handle …. but also work as …….

Additionally, when both men and women split the household tasks/ chores work, they tend to complete it quickly in half of the time (half of which time?), which enables them to spend the rest of the quality time with their family. This leisure time not only helps them relax and reduce stress but also strengthens the bond between family members. Whereas, when only the a female handles every task, it isolates her from the family as most of the time is spent on that work. This leisure time (3) not only helps them to relax but also opens ways to strengthen their relationship with the family.

3. Leisure time refers to the time in the second sentence. The sentence should be placed next to it. You’ve placed the sentences incorrectly.

In conclusion, to keep women physically healthy and ensure their involvement in the family, men must also engage in domestic work. Otherwise, society will encounter weaker family relationships and increased social instability.

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