Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Girls Choose Arts Subjects; Boys Choose Science.

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed?

Answer:

It is often argued that in this competitive world where science subjects have immense importance than why many girls enrol in art subjects. (Wrong comparison. Also, wrong use of then. Voice notes. – 1) In my opinion, education fees (2) and society social norms are the main reasons which stop most of the girls from getting it (IT does not refer to science subjects.).

1. Restructure: Even though science subjects have greater importance than arts subjects, girls prefer the latter.

2. The fees is same for the boys. I don’t think this is a strong idea.

In many countries, (this is an introducer) the fee of science streams such as engineering, medical is ten times more than that of (3) art fields. which are free for girls by the State and, people in developing world do not have a huge amount of money for their children’s studies as their earning is so less even they are unable to provide prerequisite things to their family. (Whoa! Hold your horses! This is way too long. The sentence is too difficult to read. This was meant to be written in 3 sentences. Note that a long sentence is NOT a complex sentence. It will not increase your IELTS writing score.) Also, in countries like India, courses for literature, cooking, painting, singing, and history are free for girls. Since many parents barely earn enough to survive, their girls prefer arts education. Furthermore, its it is a mindset of people that girls have to manage household activities after the marriage therefore . Therefore, parents think that instead of paying for college fees, they can save it for the girl’s marriage as its it is a ritual in many places that all the expenses in it (There is too much of IT in this sentence.) is paid by the girl side. (Therefore, as it is customary in many orthodox societies, instead of paying for college fees, parents save the money for the girl’s marriage.)

3. Wrong comparison. You can’t compare fees of science stream with arts. Compare fees with fees.

I can’t read the reasons why boys choose science subjects. Write something on the following lines.

In many countries, people have an inclination towards boys as they are believed to be the breadwinner for the family. Unlike girls, boys are compelled to focus on building a rewarding career in engineering and medical science. In countries like India, girls are considered a liability and they are supposed to take care of household and children. These activities require some knowledge of arts subjects such as cooking and literature. Due to this inherent bias and misperception, society forces boys to choose science subjects and girls prefer arts.

To alter this tendency, the government and non-profit organizations should come ahead (should make concerted efforts) to change the philosophy of people regarding the gender inequality so that parents can consider their girl and boy equally and provide them the same education. (Please don’t leave the idea unexplained. Add at least one more sentence.) They should launch advertising campaigns on equality of both genders and give monetary incentives for the scientific education of female children. Moreover, the state should curtail the fee of science fields so that it cannot become a hurdle in educating the girls. For example, the capital of India has cut down the fee by 70% of government science colleges for girls and the result is, the strength of girls is increased by three times than the previous(Not a strong example. Build the idea first. Moreover, curtailing the fees of engineering and medical science programs will encourage girls to opt for these courses. If their education is not a burden on the family and they secure well-paid jobs in companies like Microsoft and Reliance, parents will surely enroll them in science courses.)

To conclude, higher education is necessary for every youngster therefore and the government must make it affordable and give them a particular course according to their interest and aptitude.

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