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IELTS Essay Correction: Tourism Ban To Protect Culture.

Some people believe that to protect culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable, and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give me an opinion.

Answer:

With the advent of the quick transport system, the tourism industry is flourishing across the world. While some people believe that it should be banned in some areas since it leads to exploitation of culture, others oppose banning tourism as they think it will increase unemployment. I agree with the latter view. (A very well written introduction. Scores well in all four assessment areas.)

On the one hand, many people argue that to appease (1) make tourists comfortable, they (No reference for they.) local people try to change their way of talking, dressing style and eating habits (= way of A, way of B, way of C.) that divert them from their cultural values. For instance, as tourists start exploring Kinnaur, a popular hill station in India, the craze for local Himachali food decreases. (2) Local people prefer pizza and pasta over Dham, a traditional food of Kinnaur. It not only makes them deprived of essential nutrients to sustain life at such Kinnaur’s extreme weather at Kinnaur but also leads to loss of respect to for their traditional food. Thus, a restriction is required in some areas to preserve culture.

1. That’s a serious LR issue. You are not appeasing them. Appease refers to preventing further arguments. The United Kindom followed the wrong policy of appeasing the German Nazis led by Adolf Hitler.”

2. Please note that you need to use a tense that conveys the sense that ‘something started in the past and it continues in the present’. This is MORE correct. For instance, ever since Kinnaur became a famous tourist destination in India, the craze for local Himachali food has decreased. Gradually, the local people have developed a preference for ……..

On the other hand, I believe that the change in cultural values is not associated with tourism and a ban on it will lead to loss of jobs. It is estimated that, around the globe, the tourism industry has created one billion jobs. Also, a few (3) regions are solely dependent on tourism for a living. If people are restricted to move to new places to explore the world (This is not tourism. This may be a scientist or a geographer exploring the local topography.) (4), many people who are earning from the tourism industry will eventually suffer (How will they suffer? – 4.). Moreover, many individuals travel across the globe to rejuvenate themselves and divert their minds from stress and anxiety. If a ban on tourism is imposed, stress among people will increaseBanning tourism will increase stress in people and, consequently, they may suffer from several mental and physical disorders.

3. There is a HUGE difference between ‘few’ and ‘a few’. ‘FEW’ refers to very less. ‘A FEW’ refers to sufficient. “I have a few friends” = I have enough friends. “I have few friends” = I have a small number of friends.

4. Your words fail to communicate the idea clearly. This will cost you dearly in LR and TR. Make no fancy moves. If the movement of tourists is restricted to preserve local culture, it will lead to a loss of livelihood and the local people may suffer from poverty and hunger.

To recapitulate, although some people believe that a ban on tourism will protect (preserve) culture, I think that it will have no impact on cultural values. Instead, it will not only lead to loss of jobs but also result in an increase in stress and anxiety among people.

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