Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: 4 Weeks Holiday For Staff.

Some people think that employers should give staff at least 4 weeks holiday per year to improve their job performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. 

Answer:

In order to perform a job more productively, employers (1) must give employees a minimum four weeks holiday in a year. I strongly believe this helps (subject-verb disagreement) staff in maintaining the social status and work-life balance.

1. A modifier modifies the noun with which it is connected. Are EMPLOYERS performing a job more productively? I think it should be employees. Please restructure: In order to boost the productivity of employees, employers must give them a minimum …. 

While few holidays per annum does do not help (2) staff to forget about important office works such as preparing presentation and scheduling meetings, four weeks leave it gives them time to think about how to improve the standard of living. Unlike (UNLIKE does not make any sense here.) working continuously makes staff’s mind stagnant, but adhering (LR issue. They can’t ADHERE to surroundings.) cherishing surroundings in a free time motivates them to buy better commodities. They feel the desire to purchase the latest car, mobile, and gadgets so that their social status is maintained among society. (Social status is in society. No need to repeat this.) Thus, on resuming a job after holidays, they give their 100 percent to live lavish lifestyle they urge for. (Does not make sense. Your sentence means that their focus is on lavish lifestyle and not on the job.)

2. HELP is not the right word here. While the staff does not forget important ……. meetings during a few holidays, …..

Unlike (Wrong use of unlike. Please understand its use. It is used to compare nouns. UNLIKE can’t carry a clause. Unlike China, India is a democracy.) While two to three weeks leave helps staff to do only crucial works for their living like visiting a bank (parallelism issue) bank work, paying electricity bill, and purchasing grocery, four weeks holidays provide them an opportunity to spend time with family, friends, and other loved ones. Owing to this which, (WHICH is a weak pronoun. It can’t borrow subject from the previous sentence.) they feel sense a sense of peace and harmony in life. B by (wrong punctuation) sharing quality time with relatives and cracking jokes in a group of people. This is why, when these employees they come back to work, their mind and body is are totally ready to work both enthusiastically as well as sensibly. 

In conclusion, although a less a few (less is uncountable. Few is countable.) annual holidays of for staff enable more working hours for any employer, four weeks holidays help staff to work with aim and freshness. (3) This not only provides them a career growth but also opens doors to come out from the monotonous routine of work. 

3. ALTHOUGH is used to express contrast. But, I can’t see any contrast between these two statements. A FEW ANNUAL HOLIDAYS = FOUR WEEKS. There is little difference. They are, in fact, the same.

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