Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Illegal To Reject Job Application On The Basis Of Age.

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria. It is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

Answer:

In some parts of the world, legally, employers legally cannot reject job applications on the criteria of age. (In some parts of the world, the law deters employers from discriminating job applicants on the basis of age.) I strongly believe it is a negative development as it leads to fatalities for people and the devastating (parallelism – …. it A and B. A = leads; B = destroys) destroys the future of children.

While hiring aged and experienced people is beneficial for some jobs such as drivers, home maids, and child nannies, occupations like air traffic control job requires the strong senses of eyes and ear, after 55 years an employee is not considered medically fit for doing this work. (Wrong method to connect this clause with the main sentence. A comma can’t do this job. …. and, after 55 years of age, an employee is not considered fit for this work.) Still giving this jobs to mature individuals because of the hiring policy of a country leads to major accidents at workplace. For example, in 2004, (1) at Heathrow airport‘s an air traffic controller, who was aged around 56, sent a free runway signal to the a pilot (need a connector between two clauses. Try that.) it results that resulted (maintain the past tense.) into the crash of two aeroplanes with each other. (Sentence structuring issues in this sentence.) On cross-check investigation, (this is an introducer) it was found that the official (you’re referring to official in the previous sentence) have had (That’s past of past. Use the past perfect tense.) an eyesight problem and could not navigate (the pilot navigates. This official only sees and informs.) runway read the runway radar clearly. Surely, for any country it Is not development on loosing citizens(This sentence does not add any value. Write a sentence that builds TR.) Thus, these occupations must have a strict age and medical criterion.

1. The time element is usually placed at the end of a sentence. If it comes at the beginning, it should be used as an introducer. That is, it should be separated from the main sentence using commas.

Please note that your BP 1 is about the incapability in carrying out certain tasks that may lead to fatalities. That’s fine. But I can’t connect it with age based criterion unless you write it explicitly.

Furthermore, teaching jobs requires require a plethora (plethora is countable but patience is not.) lot of patience as dealing with students sometimes become(subject-verb disagreement) frustrating. As children asks (subject-verb disagreement) so many numerous (2) questions related to an ongoing topic in a classroom, aged teachers often get irritated and reply answers rudely (… and answer rudely(Use either reply or answer). This The fear of getting scolded by them in front of classmates prevents most children from learning efficiently. most children remain unguided. (OR: Due to the fear of getting scolded by them in front of classmates, most children remain unguided.) This behavior not only impacts (subject-verb disagreement) grades of students but also becomes (subject-verb disagreement) a problem for them to clear exams for getting an admission in the best engineering and business colleges. Thus, in any country, illegality to reject the resume of teachers who are above 50 cannot be considered as development because after this age they generally becomes (subject-verb disagreement) agitated in nature.

2. Do not use as and so in the same sentence. Try “SO THAT” in this sentence: Children ask so many questions ……. in a classroom that aged teachers …..

In conclusion, although illegality to not consider job applicants on the basis of age gives employees a chance to earn money and share work experience with juniors, the career of children and lives of people is in danger once they get hired.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.