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IELTS Essay Correction: New Tech Improved Workers’ Lives.

Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, others say it has more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

Answer:

Different people have distinct sets of views regarding the end (result is always at the end. Don’t use the two words together.) results of new technology on the lives of workers. While some believes (subject-verb disagreement) believe it eases the hardwork while performing jobs, others think it leads to the depression in life. I strongly support the latter view. 

On the one hand, with the availability of technology such as tractors, farmers reap, sow and water crop fields without any (any does not make sense here.) much struggle. They just drive the tractor and the machine attached (1) to it to do all work timely in time rather than getting exhausted by doing it with hands and wasting valuable time. Moreover, in recent times, teachers use audio-video players and mic in class to teach students. Earlier, they use to repeat the same lecture in different classes and (2) it made their days tired and boring. Nowadays, they use the latest technology to (build connection with technology – audio-visual players, etc.) save their energy and utilize it to perform fun activities such as sports and theatre in schools so that children can learn other skills also.

1. It is a specific tractor that you’ve mentioned in the previous sentence. Also, it is a specific machine that is attached to the tractor. Use the article ‘the’ with both these words.

2. Here are two clauses that are not connected with each other. This is a run-on sentence. 

On the other hand, while most of the fieldwork is done by single farmer, (HOW? – 3) others are loosing losing jobs and hence becoming unemployed. Further, (This is not a new point but an extension of the previous point.) they start living a depressing life and sometimes even take the extreme step of suicide. Similar is the case of teachers, (4) as the recorded CD’s of lectures are easily available to parents, they do not send their children for home tuitions. These CD’s can be played numerous times at home until topic is understood thoroughly. Consequently, teachers are unable to earn the extra source of an income they get by becoming from home tuitions tutors.

3. The context is missing. How is one farmer able to do the work of others? On the other hand, the latest technologies allow one farmer to do the work of several farm-laborers and, hence, it promotes unemployment. Due to financial pressure, these workers go into depression and, in extreme cases, commit suicide.

4. This is neither a modifier (it needs a noun to modify), nor an introducer. It is a clause. You can’t connect two clauses with a comma. Let us, instead, create two introducers. Similarly, in the case of teachers, as parents rely on digital content for education, they prefer not to send their children for personal interaction in a classroom.

In conclusion, although new technology has given relief in completing tasks to many workers, it has have (subject-verb disagreement) eaten up jobs of some. This has badly impacted not only to (unnecessary preposition. GR issue.) the life of an (wrong article with a plural noun.) individuals but their family members also.

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