Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Kindergarten Before Primary School.

Some people think that children should go to kindergarten before attending primary school, while others believe that it is better for children to stay all day with their families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

Different people have distinct sets of views regarding where should children spend time in their teetotaller (LR. Teetotaller = someone who never drinks alcohol. It has nothing to do with kindergarten or primary school.) days. (It is important for children to spend the years before primary school constructively.) While some believe going to kindergarten is a must before admissions in primary school, others think spending time with family is more important. I strongly support the former view.

(1) I believe while primary school‘s main concern is to educate children for scoring maximum marks in maths, science, and English, kindergarten focuses (subject-verb disagreement) on building brain power by teaching them basic concepts of these subjects. Teachers here are professionally trained to perform various fun activities (This is a run-on sentence.) it is needed for teaching to teach young ones about different colors, numbers, and festivals. That that help them to make the base so strong that they never forget these things thought out their life. (1) Moreover, primary schools conduct exams that creates (subject-verb disagreement) performance pressure on children whereas kindergartens are (subject-verb disagreement) mostly designed for sports and role plays that make them feel happy.

1. I think you’ve misunderstood the question. It does not demand a comparison between primary schools and kindergarten. It demands a comparison between kindergarten and staying home. Loss of ‘Task Response’.

On the other hand, when grandparents spend time with grandchildren, they feel (you can’t feel cherish. You just cherish.) cherish (2) in life (On the other hand, grandparents cherish to time spent with their grandchildren.). As generally they are generally old and no one knows when they will breathe their last so , (do not use so with as. The correct construction is “As X, Y”) children should eat and play with them instead of going to a kindergarten. it is the responsibility of parents to be with children and make them play as well as eat with grandparents, in order to, make most of their last time. Moreover, it is oftenly often (LR issue.) observed, (no comma here. Punctuation mistake. GR.) that strong bonds with children are established only by spending maximum time (time where? with whom?) in their childhood days. (Moreover, it is observed that a strong bond between parents and children develops only if both spend considerable time with each other.) If maximum hours in a day get are spent in a routine of kindergarten, children gets detached from their families on growing up as they get habitual of living alone. So, in regards, to maintain the strong relation of mutual understanding with children their families must spend time with them.

2. This is a LR mistake. The right usage of the word cherish is “cherish something”. I cherish my books. I cherish the memories of college.

In conclusion, although sending children to kindergarten might apart alienate them from their families in future, it teaches them the basic principles of life to them that is are (subject-verb disagreement) important for not only important for personal growth but also professional growth. (parallelism. Bad sentence structuring.)

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