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IELTS Essay Correction: Family Relationships Affected Due To Changing Lifestyle.

Nowadays people’s life is changing rapidly and, as a result, family relationships are affected. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Answer:

Irrefutably, in today’s time, the way of living life by people people’s lifestyle is changing very quickly (changing rapidly). Relationships among families (1) are getting effected affected because of this. (2) I strongly believe this change helps families in maintaining social class and children in building a bright career.

1. The question is NOT about relationships among different family but about relationships between the members of a family.

2. You can combine the first two sentences: Irrefutably, these days, rapid changes in people’s lifestyles are altering their relationships with their family members.

On the positive side, unlike earlier days, now women go out and work. When they do so, it which enables them to earn a significant amount of money. Living in a materialistic society, they use this money to purchase the latest trendy things for their families such as a car, a bike, and a phone, (Either use the article ‘a’ or make these nouns plural.) and, hence, they are able to maintain social status. Moreover, nowadays, children aspiring to become doctors, lawyers, and engineers (Either use the article ‘a’ or make these nouns plural.) have strong base in their respective subjects because they have numerous resources to get seek guidance from. They learn lessons from widely available videos on the internet and smart classes, which were not available in the past old days.

On the negative side, while females are busy in becoming professionally successful, they are not able to maintain a work-life balance. They work for more than 12 to 16 hours (correct construction: “More than A”. Write only one number.) in an office every day and, (Missing connector – andbecause of it, they feel tired and exhausted once they reach back home. This weakens the bond of love and care between the family members. (build task response.) Furthermore, these days, children feel the stress of giving (delivering) the best performance in a class. They give their maximum time in attending schools and private coachings to cram concepts thoroughly. Earlier, the competition of coming first among classmates was not a priority for them. They used to spend maximum time with their grandparents and it makes made (past tense) their bond strong with them (and this strengthened their bond) (This is a separate clause. It must be separated from the earlier clause through a comma.) but now since their schedule is busy they hardly give time to them.

In conclusion, in my opinion, although earlier stress free life and healthy family relations were important, these days huge money and a strong career is are more crucial. This not only helps in affording a rich lifestyle but also opens a plethora of job opportunities for individuals. So, definitely, the benefits of current change in the lifestyle of people outweigh its drawbacks.

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