Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teenagers Not Allowed Outdoors Unless Accompanies By Adults.

IN some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.

What is your opinion about this?

Answer:

Due to the ongoing protest after the death of Geoge Floyd, the United States of America has imposed strict laws in under which teenagers are permitted out of their house only if their parents accompany them. not allowed to come out of their houses without their parents at night. I firmly agree with this rule since children they (use a pronoun to refer back to teenagers. Also, ‘children’ is not a synonym for ‘teenagers’.are the prime target of protesters.

The protesters are targeting innocent children teenagers to speak against the government so that it can take strict actions against the police officers who killed George Floyd. They are provoking children (1) to make videos and tag the US president on Twitter. It will help them to so that the cause can (connect the two sentences and find a way to avoid mentioning protesters since I’ve used ‘they’ to refer to teenagers.gain attention and popularity on social media. It is observed that if any child teenager (LR issue) opposes it, they harshly beat him, and in worse cases, kill him. (If they refuse to act accordingly, they are beaten and, in worst cases, killed.) (I’ve used ‘they’ to refer to teenagers and used passive voice to avoid using protesters again and again.) (I’ve not read about the role of parents in this paragraph. Loss of TR. Also, you need to write more. You’re short of words.) To prevent the corruption of their brains and avoid the violation of their rights, the parents should accompany them. Accordingly, the government has drafted and enforced various legislations for this purpose. Thus, the US government has taken strict action to avoid these kinds of situations.

1. Note that you face a common problem. You have two nouns (protesters and teenagers) and only one pronoun (they). Since you can use the pronoun for one noun only, you will have to repeat the other noun. This will lead to a repetition of words. Here’s a way out. Use the pronoun to refer to teenagers and omit the other noun through passive voice. They are provoked to make videos ……

Moreover, many areas of the US have observed that the protest turns into violence violent at night, leading to the destruction of various stores and buildings. Protestors are ruthlessly hurting people and doing committing crime, especially at night. (What about teenagers?) If teenagers are not accompanied by their parents, they may get dragged into these events willingly or unwillingly. For instance, protesters in South Carolina have burnt fifty stores in the city, which leads to the death of three people trapped in these stores. (Where is the role of teenagers?) (For instance, a few teenagers decided to the protests in South Carolina and the group later turned violent and burnt a few shops. This could have been avoided if their parents had been with them.) Thus, the government has recommended children to take parents along while going out in the at night.

To recapitulate, I think that the government has taken the right decision to safeguard children teenagers from protesters. Children They should accompany their parents at night time if they want to go outside.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.