Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Use The Internet For Medical Problems.

Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples from your experience.

Answer:

A few individuals use the internet to find cures for their medical problems. I strongly believe it is a negative development as it leads to negative results (Why repeat the word NEGATIVE. Use this space to MENTION the ideas you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs.) on (let us use a pronoun to refer back to ‘a few individuals’ in the previous sentence.) the lives of people their lives(I strongly believe it is a negative development as it adversely impacts children’s physical health …….)

These days, children are addicted to watch watching television, play playing video games, and use using mobile phones. (Usually the correct combination is ‘to + infinitive’. But, in this case it is ‘to + ing’.) When they do so, their eyesight gets weak. To get perfect eyesight again, they surf on the internet about how to make making eye drops at home to put in eyes (Of course, they will be used for eyes. No need to unnecessarily repeat the word – eyes.). (You can avoid writing eyesight multiple times: When they do so, their eyesight weakens and, to recover it, the surf the internet to manufacture eye-drops at home.) Most likely, these remedies are not prescribed by the government registered doctors, being undiagnosed (Are government doctors undiagnosed? Wrong sentence structure.), they badly react on retina and, hence, children become blind. (Since these remedies are not recognized by the government, using them may lead to reactions that may damage the eyes permanently.) Thus, blindly believing on in medical prescriptions available on the internet might end up being drastic harmful for any organ of the body. 

Furthermore, unlike women in the past old school women’s, today’s time women today give first (Priority, by definition, is first.) priority to beautiful and fair skin. Due to long working hours, they often get dark circles under eyes. Instead of going to a dermatologist, they watch how to get clear skin videos on fair skin on YouTube. (Use “When X, Y” construction to connect the two sentences. When, due to long working hours, they get dark circles under eyes, they prefer Youtube videos over consulting a dermatologist.Following the same method as recorded by YouTuber untested methods suggested by Youtubers, they sometimes get astonishing and adverse results on the skin such as black acne and red rashes. As we are living in a materialistic society, they start feeling the inferiority complex of bad looks and, in extreme cases, commit suicide. This is why, for any medical care, help acting on solutions available on the internet is a the worst option.

In conclusion, in my opinion, although the internet have has numerous (While numerous is countable, data is not.) a huge pile of data, which is an important source for of knowledge to curve cure any disease, it (What should not be practiced? ‘IT’ does not refer to anything.) should not be practiced without consulting a doctor. As as it is not only legally not accepted by the government but also professionally not recommended by doctors. 

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