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IELTS Essay Correction: Animal Experiments To Discover Medicines.

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

Many (Repetition of ‘MANY’ in the next sentence.) new medicines are developed and tested for safety by performing experiments on animals. Many people find these experiments morally unacceptable and (1) should be banned according to them, because it they causes suffering among to animals. In my opinion, the experiments they shall be allowed on animals only if they are done humanely. (Let us use ‘they’ to refer to experiments at all places.)

1. As per the rules of grammar, the subject of the sentence is assumed to take this place. So, your sentence means that ‘many people’ should be banned. That’s incorrect. Many people find these experiments …. and (many people) think that they should be banned.

On the one side of the coin, experiments performed on animals are ethically unacceptable as they involve extensive pain and trauma. (This is a run-on sentence. There needs to be a period here. Also, before jumping to an example, please state the complete reason. The idea is not developed.) f . For example, mice, when used for experimentation, (This is a modifier. It needs to be placed between two commas.) is are injected with disease and then trial medicines are used on them in order to measure the drug‘s effectiveness. In this process animal goes through extensive pain and trauma that sometimes lead to death. (This is your idea. It needs to be in the first sentence. Before example.) Some people consider it morally incorrect since every animal had (wrong tense) has the right to live on this planet without any suffering, t (can’t connect independent clauses using a comma. GR issue.) and their pain cannot be justified with the human benefits. (….. and even benefits to humanity are not sufficient to justify this atrocity.)

On the other side of the coin, some people believe that new medicines should not be tested directly on humans since the medicines they are still under trial phase and the results of humans such testing can be devastating. (How can they be devastating? Please explain the idea.) According to them, (An introducer) the only alternative left is to use animals, (can’t connect simply through a comma) and even with some pain and suffering it is justifiable since it is saving saves many human lives. For example, in 1920, the Spanish flu was declared as a pandemic and took millions of lives (missing AND. Multiple mistakes in connecting clauses) and, in order to control it, (this is an interruptor) scientists used animals for testing and developed vaccines from it (from what? From testing? or from animals? IT can’t be used to refer to animals (plural).) which in turn was were helpful in saving many lives. In my opinion, the experiments shall be performed on animals under strict government guidelines and by taking proper measures (Another run-on sentence.) a . As a result(an introducer) not only the animals suffering will reduce but also humans will benefit be benefitted.

In Conclusion, experiments can be performed on animals if they are done correctly by adhering to strict guidelines and policies.

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