Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Fine For Professional Sportspersons To Misbehave.

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Answer:

One school of thought avers that if international players are playing perfectly (1) perform perfectly, they can behave badly (Paraphrasing does not mean that you should replace good words with poor ones. MISBEHAVE is perfect. Keep it as it is.) misbehave on fields. (There are better ways to paraphrase without changing the word ‘misbehave’. One school of thought avers that if international players perform perfectly, their misbehavior can be ignored.) I do not concur with this statement since they are role models of many people and this kind of attitude degrades their image will degrade their identity(Keep using the present tense. Also, the word ‘image’ is not correct in this context.)

1. The Present Continuous tense is less correct than the Simple Present Tense. Also, avoid repeating the word ‘play’.

Professional athletes act as role models of youngsters who follow not only their techniques but also their living style of such persons. If they misbehave while playing, their followers will imitate their actions (Behaviour is NOT a method. It is an act. LR issue.) these methods and implement in their lives. To illustrate, a survey conducted by local cricket organisation of the United Kingdom in which they (‘The survey asked’. Who is THEY? Makes no sense.) asked reasons from local players the reason for bullying and humiliating the opponents. More than 90 % have (the survey was conducted in the past. Do not write in the present tense.) replied that they used these strategies to distract the player and have learned from international matches. (The example should be about sportspersons and their fans. The ) The repercussion of this is, (this conveys the same message as ‘due to‘.) due to this kind of attitude one day sportsmanship attributes like friendship and cooperation (avoid repeating words related to sports. This will also improve your LR score.) will be completely eradicated from sportsmen and sportswomen.

Furthermore, many multinational companies have contracts of advertisement advertising contracts with well-known players due to their huge fan following and, undoubtedly, (separate the interrupters and introducers from the main sentence using a comma.) it these will start decreasing (DECREASING does not convey the message clearly. LR issue. Also, what will start decreasing? Contracts? That sounds incorrect.) if these people play in an unfair manner. (…… and, undoubtedly, companies will annul/ abolish these agreements if they play in an unfair manner.) As a result of this, the companies will break (annul) their agreement and players will face huge (significant/ considerable) financial losses. Moreover, an amendment of the card system in the code of conduct of every game can ruin the career of a player who misconducts in the field. The A leading newspaper of the United States leading newspaper revealed that more than 30 % of football players got a red card which is used for suspension in 2019 and their position have overtaken by others forever they have been replaced by other players.

To conclude, although sportsmen and sportswomen are the glory of the a nation, it is not wise to allow them to behave badly as it has negative effects on themselves them and their fans and young generation.

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