Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Local Shops Vs Large Shopping Centers.

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words. 

Answer:

In this contemporary world, many people prefer to do shopping shop in big malls rather than local shops. I believe that it is a negative development since the expenditure of customers increases unnecessarily during his (This pronoun can’t refer to a plural noun – customers. Also, there is no need for a pronoun here.) visit to a mall, and many factory workers, who manufacture products for local shops, (this is a modifier. Needs to be placed between two commas.) are losing their jobs.

If a person visits a mall to do some basic shopping shop (purchase products) for his kids, he can end up spending more money than he is likely to spend at a local shop expected. (Develop a comparison.) Firstly, he has to buy parking tickets a ticket (avoid repeating the word ‘park’.) to park his vehicle. Secondly, since he walks a lot from one vendor to another to purchase a shirt or a pant, he has to spend money on eating food also to gain energy. (Unnecessary and wrong use of also.) Lastly, the branded clothes in a mall are much more expensive than clothes those at local shops. (Correct construction: More X than Y.) Thus, he has to spend a large amount to buy the same stuff which is available at a lower cost in local markets.

Secondly, many products that local vendors sell are manufactured from local by domestic industries. These industries They are now forced to shut down since local shops are closing day by day. The workers working in them are becoming jobless and poorer than before. (Develop a comparison.) Malls, on the other hand, sell products from the multi-national corporations which do not generate employment at the local level. For instance, the north country mall at Kharar resulted in the closing down of a market in the city, which in turn resulted in an increase of in unemployment as all the manufacturing units adjoining the city are closed now. (Develop an example with better context and specificity. For example, the North Country mall in Kharar, which sells international brands such as Nike and Gap, has resulted in shutting down local cloth shops that sold merchandise from Ludhiana. This has resulted in massive direct and indirect unemployment in the region.)

To recapitulate, I believe that the trend to do shopping in big malls has negatively effected impacted both customers and workers in those regions. It not only increases the expenditure of customers unnecessarily but also increases the unemployment in that region.

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