Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Moving To Other Nations.

A lot of people are moving to other nations. Some people say it is good for children and others say that it creates more problems. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Nowadays, many people are relocating to other countries. While some believe it is good (beneficial/ suitable) for children as they become independent in life, others think it is not beneficial them is counterproductive (is detrimental) as they start feeling inferior and lonely. I strongly support the latter view.

When parents take children to developed countries, they have the option of studying in the best colleges. Since b (1) Becoming a graduate from globally recognized universities opens a plethora of job opportunities for them, and, hence, promotes financial independence. For example, Indian students do not get huge enough/ sufficient/ handsome salary in the medical and engineering fields because they do not hold a degree from renowned universities. Thus, entire life they financially depend on parents for the daily needs of the life. (Since this is an example, you should be more specific.) While an engineer from a domestic institute earns about INR 25000 per month, an Indian American from Stanford gets more than INR 500,000 per month.

1. Wrong use of SINCE. It helps in building a cause-effect relationship. I can’t see the effect.

On the other hand, In abroad, when children share a social circle in a foreign country, they start feeling inferiority complex of their wheatish skin and eastern culture overall personality and, in extreme cases, they commit suicide. As most of the people move to European countries for providing stable career to their young ones, they feel alienate alienation (alienated) from society because the neighborhood makes fun of their winky eyes and body shape chinky looks. (What’s that? Winky eyes and chinky looks? There are no such formal words in the English language. They make no sense.) (2) Moreover, foreigners children do (FACE is a verb. It does not need another verb – DO.) face language problem and, hence, are unable to make love bond (develop bond) with localities. Even though after speaking fluent english, still (3) they are not happily accepted by the native population localites. This is why they often feel lonely and ignored with in a group.

2. Observe carefully, the use of ‘AS’ is incorrect. There is no cause-effect relationship here. They do not feel alienated because they move for studies. WHEN construction is perfect here.

3. The correct construction is – “EVEN X, Y”. “Even though” is wrong. Even though = Though/ Although. These are not corret in this context. Do not use STILL with EVEN.

In conclusion, in my opinion, although a successful career is important for children, cultural roots are more crucial (more important) as it not only make them patriotic towards motherland but also helps in building a strong emotional connection with a family.

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