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IELTS Essay Correction: Tourists Visiting Places With Difficult Conditions.

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

Answer:

Nowadays, many tourists are visiting visit (simple present tense is better in this context.) exotic destinations such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic where conditions are difficult to survive (conditions are NOT surviving. They are just not fit for survival.) not conducive/favorable for survival. Although it helps them to explore nature that is untouched by human civilisation, it has many numerous drawbacks associated.

On the one hand, many people search for locations that are least explored by humans. These locations have picturesque views which relax and rejuvenate them from the stressful life of cities. Moreover, they gain huge followers on social media since people, who cannot visit there, see the beauty through their pictures only. (Restructure the sentence. Put PICTURES before FOLLOWERS: Moreover, when they share pictures of these exotic locations on social media, they gain a large number of followers.) As a result, many companies approach them to advertise their product which helps them to earn money.

On the other hand, there are a couple of drawbacks for tourists as well. (The placement of ‘as well’ is not correct. Does this have drawbacks for non-tourists also?) (Another way to begin this paragraph: Despite these benefits, places such as the Antarctic are hard ……..Firstly, since places such as the Antarctic are hard to survive due to extreme weather conditions, many people lose their life lives during exploration (avoid creating pronoun confusion – they, their, themwhile exploring them. Research (That’s not research. That’s data/ survey.) shows that almost 500 people die in a year on their way to summit Mount Everest due to extreme cold (You’ve already mentioned extreme weather in the previous sentences. Try writing more specifically in examples. Data shows that more than 500 people die every year on their way to Mount Everest’s summit due to gusty winds, poor visibility, low temperature, and lack of proper routes.). Secondly, they (Who are they? There is no clear reference to tourists – you mentioned tourists in the first sentence of this paragraph. Pronouns can’t borrow references from this far.) tourists can catch deadly diseases through wild animals at these places. In China, many people caught a viral fever through a bat bite while trekking in the dense forest of Wuhan. The fever was contagious and affected the one-fourth population of the city and almost 200 people lost their lives. Almost 200 people died due to the fever(Connect the two sentences and avoid repeating fever.)

To recapitulate, although many people get benefit by visiting to the regions of extreme weather, they sometimes lose their life since they are not able to handle extreme weather conditions. Also, they can catch fatal diseases that can be contagious.

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