Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: High-End Tech Can Reduce Crime Rate.

Some people think that high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

It is argued that crime rate can be reduced and curbed by using advanced technologies. I totally agree with the statement since surveillance cameras are helpful in restraining (not the best word. Restrain means controlling the actions. The cameras can’t control. But, they can prevent or deter.) preventing the crime and GPS devices can detect the current location of victim.

Firstly, CCTV cameras reduce the chances of committing a crime. Latest technology cameras They (use a pronoun to refer back to CCTV cameras in the previous sentence.) are generally connected with the mobile phones of property owners and warn them by alarming raise an alarm whenever any individual enters. In this way, it (The pronoun ‘it’ can’t refer to the plural ‘cameras’ in the first sentence.) provides information regarding unusual and strange activities happening at houses and workplaces, and people can immediately contact nearby police station for help. For example, In India, in 2018, a gang of seven criminals tried to break the doors of a workshop of Reliance Industries, top most industry in the asian countries (1), but failed in their efforts (to prevent confusion between the reference of they and their, you can avoid writing this. Also, it does not add any value and the sentence is still complete.) because cameras installed at that place raised an alarm in the mobiles of all security managers, and they called the police.

1. You’ve tried to create a modifier. Structurally it is fine. But, it lacks logic and LR. What is the meaning of ‘top most’? Reliance Industries is not an ‘industry’. It is a company. Reliance Industries, the largest petroleum refining company in India, …..

Secondly, the Global Positioning System installed in modern equipments can track the locations of people. When an individual is kidnapped, cops can find out the position of trace criminals through GPS in the mobile of the (need an article to refer to ‘an individual‘) victim. Similarly, if someone is trapped in some problematic situation, they can dial the emergency number, and police can reach the spot of crime by detecting the location through GPS. For instance, In Nepal, rape cases are declines have declined by almost 50% with the help of position detecting systems as the police can reach the crime spot immediately after receiving the emergency from victim. (You need to build an example of the GPS, not Nepal. Nepal is additional information. Not the core. Rather, there is no need for an example here. If you’re falling short of words, write another idea and explain it. That will give you about 60 more words.)

In conclusion, modern technologies are beneficial in preventing and reducing crime rate with the help of cameras, which inform about any whimsical activities, and GPS, which provides details about locations.

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