Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Fast Food Companies Should Not Be Allowed To Advertise.

Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. What is your opinion?

Answer:

The fast-food industry has been rising at a tremendous rate in the past decades. This industry is taking aid from the media to reach the end customer’s awareness. (Note that the first and the second sentences can be combined using the idea of a modifier: With the aid of advertisements, the fast-food industry has witnessed a tremendous increase in reach.Some opine that advertisements for such commodities must be restricted, while others argue against the notion. I believe that such ads they (use a pronoun to refer to advertisements. Do not repeat the word.) must be stopped. (MENTION the reasons supporting your opinion.)

Nowadays, healthy food is in less consumption (‘less consumption’ seems weird.) than fast food (Nowadays, people prefer eating fast-food instead of healthy food.). (Note that the first sentence here is similar to the first sentence in the introduction. This sentence does not add any value. It is redundant and will not increase your score. It must be avoided. Directly begin with reasons.) When these (which brands? THESE can’t refer back to brands as you’ve not mentioned any brands in the previous sentence. You’ve mentioned FAST-FOOD. CC issue.) brands are it is displayed on media, it tempts viewers, especially children who are easily persuaded to eat such food items. (First sentence should be: When fast-food advertisements are displayed on television, they tempt viewers, especially children, (interruptor – within commas.) and persuade them to consume fried food such as samosa and burgers.(Note the use of WHEN X, Y; interruptor.) For example, children brands like Kinder Joy advertise the product in a fascinating manner by introducing cartoon characters, watching such adverts that (understand the use of optimum sentence constructions in a context.) persuade a child to try it. Despite it being difficult for a child to understand the impact of these eatables on his health, advertisements do the added harm of promoting (it is not the ADDED harm. It is the MAIN harm.) promote the unhealthy lifestyle in younger ones.

Additionally, most advertisements provide misinformation, which is an unethical practice. Misleading ads They hide actual (Facts are always ACTUAL. LR issue.facts on the unhealthiness of the consumable item, and rather focus on false (LR issue) misleading benefits of items (Why repeat the word ITEM? You’ve already written consumable item.). For instance, commercials of Unibic cookies, which is are depicted to be made of oats and other healthy multigrain, in reality, is full of sugary content. (1) This not only deceives a buyer but also gives a false impression about the item and temptation to buy it an item. Furthermore, in ads, the look of the commodity is modified with attractive colors and enhanced shape, as with pizza or burgers, but in reality, (wrong punctuation. No need of a comma here.) they are proportionately much (the word proportionately does not make any sense in this context.) smaller and filled with vegetables and cheese (This does not serve any purpose. Focus on COLORS and SIZE. Add some information about COLORS, if you can.).

1. This is a major sentence structuring issue. Note that you’ve used a modifier “which ……. multigrain”. The main sentence is: Commercials of Unibic cookies is full of sugary content. Now, that’s a SUPER WRONG sentence. I’m sure you can see it more clearly now. Let us restructure: For instance, commercials of Unibic cookies, which are made of high sugar content, (modifier within commas) mislead the public that they are made of oats and multigrain.

To conclude, it is a beneficial decision for disallowing companies to advertise to ban companies from advertising their junk food products. This will prevent them from misguiding the common people and will inhibit children from developing unhealthy eating habits.

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