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IELTS Essay Correction: All Societies Have Own Music And Art.

All societies have their own music and art. In what way music and art important for society and for individuals.

Answer:

It is an undeniable fact that every community is associated with its songs and art (1). (A community’s music = people’s music = FOLK music. Synonym. LR issue.) It is an undeniable fact that every community has its folk music and folk art which form the core of its identity. They are important for society (the placement of society is incorrect. Can you guess why?) since they not only preserve the culture of the community but also rejuvenate and motivate the individuals in tough times.

1. You can’t be associated with your thing. “X associated with Y” = X and Y should be different. “Tik Tok is associated with the Chinese government.” The use of the word associate is incorrect.

With the help of songs and art, a society can pass on its cultural values to the next generation. In Jalandhar, a place named Rangla Punjab presents a show in which a group of youngsters dances (…. in which youngsters dance ….) on Punjabi folk songs. Through dance and songs, the team describes the lifestyle dress, food, dwelling, and work schedule of a Punjabi in 1980, which can be easily grasped by young children. Moreover, a museum at this place has beautiful and attractive paintings of women weaving cloth on a charkha, making butter at home, fetching water from a well, and conversing with each other in groups ancient Punjab. (2) Such a lifestyle is alien to the children of Punjabis living in metropolitan cities of India and other parts of the world. Many parents, who are permanently staying in Canada, They bring their children to this place to give them a glimpse of their culture.

2. Please note that you’ve not elaborated on LIFESTYLE and PAINTINGS. Such vague responses will cost you bands in TR and LR.

Moreover, individuals understand and catch the feeling of a song of their community easily. During the Covid crises, many communities are releasing songs in their language to encourage people to stay indoors. In Punjab, it was an effective step since soon after the song (which song? Are you referring to a specific song? GR and TR issues.) was released, a massive decline in the physical movement of people and the number of Covid cases was noticed by the health ministry. (The idea is not clear. Please write more specifically. In Manipur, for instance, the government used tribal dances and music, with which people can easily connect, to prevent their physical movement and stop the spread of the coronavirus.) Many people also rejuvenate through songs, and through art and craft. (Are these folk music, art and craft? It can be modern. Loss of TR.) It helps them to release the pressure of their work and they live a healthy life.

(After working for a long time in modern, western environments, many people prefer to listen to folk music to rejuvenate. Social scientists have proved that while office spaces have been westernised, local people develop stress as they can not associate with communicating in a foreign language and wearing suits. In Bengal, for instance, people dress in traditional dhoti at home and listen to local Rabindra music to destress.)

To recapitulate, music and artwork is a key to preserve the culture of a society, and also individuals can easily connect with them and rejuvenate themselves from stress and work pressure.

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