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IELTS Essay Correction: Art Essential To All Cultures.

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the arts?

Answer:

People associate with culture through numerous art activities, so ; so, art has become an indispensable part of all cultures. But, nowadays, people they (use a pronoun to refer to people in the previous sentence) are shifting their focus from arts to science, technology and business so that they can earn well in future. To raise (preserve/ build) their interest in arts, the government should build art centers and organize art exhibitions.

People who study academic (even arts are academic) subjects such as physics, computer programming, and business management tend to have better salaries than artists have. (…. better salaries than that of artists.) Due to the less availability of art galleries and art museums, an artist’s earning is substantially low since his income primarily depends upon the sale of his artwork. (Complete the argument by comparing the salaries of artists with those of non artists. You’ve tried to do so in the next sentence. But the effort is no sufficient. Plus, it is not an example.) For instance, scientists are highly paid due to the large number of companies willing to buy their invention, while artists always struggle to earn a living due to fewer buyersBusiness managers, on the other hand, make products that people need on everyday basis and, thus, they earn handsome income. People, on the other hand, do not need a painting, a book, a sculpture regularly and, hence, artists earn far less. 

To effectively promote art among people, the government must invest in constructing art galleries and organizing art festivals where artists can display their work and earn money by selling it. Music shows, where local artists perform live shows, are a major source of income for budding musicians and they help in the discovery of the next A R Rehman. Similarly, Jaipur literary festival is a great way for writers to connect with the audience directly and increase the sales of their work. (Your argument is too shallow. It lacks depth. TR.) With such means of generating income, people will be motivated to take part in artistic activities. For instance, due to the excessive number of painting display centres in Spain, it has the largest number of painters in the world, and fifty percent of students choose arts as a subject in school’s curriculum.

To recapitulate, people are losing interest in art as it cannot ensure a successful career. If the government provides them with a platform to earn, their interest can be regained.

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