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IELTS Essay Correction: Rent Or Buy A House

In some countries, people prefer to rent a house than buy one. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a property?

Answer:

In few states, individuals choose renting over buying the a (it is not a specific house. The use of THE is incorrect.) house. The merits of this is are (Merits = plural) that, (there should not be a comma after ‘THAT’. There is no break in the sentence.) they do not have to invest a large sum of their income in a house and they have all the freedom to move locations. However, the demerit of this kind of living is that, (wrong punctuation. No comma after THAT.) your life is never settled and you have to keep moving places (Is moving an advantage or a disadvantage? There’s a confusion here.). Additionally, you do not have the privileges of the owner and you have to adhere to the rules of the society.

Buying a house is an expensive affair. Therefore, (1) and many salaried people tend to take huge amount of loans to fulfil their dream of buying their own house. This, however, leads to paying half of their income in the (these are not specific EMIs. These are EMIs in general.) EMIs for the next 20 years and (missing connector. You can’t connect two clauses using a comma. There has to be a connector. – 2), in turn, losing out all the leisures and enjoyment in life. In other words, (why build unnecessary cohesion? A reader knows that the two sentences are connected through IMPLICIT cohesion.) they may not have that much savings to go enough savings (LR issue. THAT MUCH and TO GO are tooooo plain. Too rookie.) for an international vacation or do things that they always dreamt to do during their adult life (let us be more specific. Which things? Name them.) to start a new business. Furthermore, if you own a house then you are stuck in one location forever. As a result, if you get a lucrative job offer but it is far away from your permanent house, then you may have to either travel for a longer long (longer is comparative. Are you comparing with something? I guess not.) duration or turn down the offer. Alternatively, if you are renting, (3) you will always have a choice  to move your home closer to the workplace (2) and, indeed, saving save a lot of time and traveling cost. 

1. Let us not conclude an argument in the second sentence (by using therefore). Also, the two sentences can be merged using ‘and’.

2. You’ve written something like: “My wife is eating chocolate, I am reading a book”. That’s wrong. The correct constructions are: “My wife is eating chocolate while I am reading a book” OR “My wife is eating chocolate and I am reading a book.”

3. The IF-THEN construction is written as: “If X, Y”. The COMMA is necessary.

Albeit, (ALBEIT is used to express contrast within the same sentence. I have a new position, albeit with limited powers.On the other hand, there is one crucial drawback of renting a house and that is, you will always be at the mercy of the landlord. For instance, if they want you to leave the house then you will have to uproot your entire living condition (can’t “uproot living conditions”. That’s a LR issue. Also, let us write more specifically.) abandon your friends and the existing lifestyle, and move to a different place and set-up everything from the scratch. This can be cumbersome as well as time consuming. Other than this, the society members always treat the tenants as the (they’re not SPECIFIC citizens. Right?) secondary citizen, thus (2) . Thus, you never enjoy the privileges of the a house owner (4) like late night party at home or (5) you wish to have a another parking space or if you have any complaints regarding an issue in the society.

4. LIKE and SUCH AS are placed next to the word they exemplify. Here, LIKE exemplifies PRIVILEGES. Not HOUSE OWNER. The correct way of writing is: Thus, you never enjoy a house owner’s privileges such as organizing late-night parties and having own parking space.

5. Note that you’ve violated the rules of parallelism. “like X and Y”. The fist words of X and Y should belong to the same family and have the same form. In your sentence, these are late-night (adjective) and you (a pronoun). Note the sentence I’ve written in point number 4. My words are: organizing and having. Both are verbs and have the same form (-ing).

All in all, there are pros and cons of renting and it completely depends on the individual choice and stage of their life. If you are single, you may prefer the freedom of moving places and enjoy the luxuries of life rather than staying tied to a house. However, if you are settled in life and living with your spouse and children then renting may not be a very good option.

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