Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Do Schoolwork Individually Or In Groups?

Some people think that students should do their schoolwork individually and others think that sometimes students should do their schoolwork in a group. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Answer:

While some people believe that students should independently do their homework since it increases their focus, others believe think (word repetition – believethat once or twice in a week, (1) they should do it with their peer group as it will help helps (2) everyone in the group to achieve good grades in exams. I agree with the former view.

1. Why add an additional layer of complexity? The question is about group work at all times. 100 %. Why add “once or twice a week”?

2. Note that you’ve used the Simple Present Tense previously. It is better than the Future tense. Your statement is true in the present and will be true in the future. In such contexts, the Simple Present Tense is the best.

On the one hand, if a student does completes his schoolwork alone in a room, it will help (Tense – point number 2, above. Plus, overuse of the word – help.) enables him to concentrate on his studies more as compared to a student who prefers group study (3) is doing it in a group, and I agree with it. While a group study involves distractions as students start talking and playing with each other, an individual study is peaceful since while studying alone (= individual study. LR issue.) a student has minimum distractions around him. It eventually helps him to focus on his homework. A survey in a convent school in Jalandhar revealed that 90 percent of students who study alone is are able to persist the chapters (4) which they have learnt in their homework, while others although complete their homework in time, they (why add unnecessary layer of information that does not add any value. Unnecessary words will not add to your score. But, these may hamper it. You may unintentionally slip.) forget it in one or two months. It completely defines that an individual studying alone has good focus than a student studying in a group. (5)

3. Again, since the statements are true for all times (past, present, and future), the Simple Present Tense is the best choice. Present continuous is for the present moment only. Not for the future and near past. Also, the use of “do” and “does” will hamper your LR score. Note that I’ve used “completes” and “prefers”.

4. LR issue. You can’t persist something. But, something can persist. “The symptoms of the coronavirus persist for three months.”

5. The example is weak. It is not specific. Think of it the subjects HOMEWORK should include – Literature, mathematics, physics, history. Now, within these subjects, what activities involve seclusion? Assignments, problem-solving, etc. “For example, to solve a mathematical theorem, a student needs several hours of brainstorming coupled with complete silence. Group study, through friendly chats, creates disturbance and prevents solving such theorems.”

On the other hand, many people believe that when students do discuss and complete (6) their homework in a group, it helps others them (who are others? Let us talk about students. Use them.to gain knowledge from one another. While in a group one student can teach others about social studies, others can give lectures about political science(The idea is not clearly communicated. Note the placement of WHILE in my sentence. Also, PICK three subjects. In a group, while one student can teach others about history, another can teach political science and still another can explain mathematics.) In this way, they share knowledge, which eventually helps everyone to get good grades in exams. In an experiment in an Army school in Chandigarh, when a group study is made compulsory for students once in a week, everyone is able to score good marks in their weak subjects since their peers help them in the respective subjects(This is NOT an example. You’ve just used the word Chandigarh. There is no need of an example here. Once you’ve written history, political science, and mathematics, it serves as an example. Instead, you can make a comparison here.) Individual study, on the other hand, enables a student to score well in one subject only and she fails to improve on the weak areas.

6. The word DISCUSS is important here. You can COMPLETE the work alone. But, you can’t DISCUSS it.

To recapitulate, although some people think that a student should do his assignments from school in a group, I believe that he should avoid group study, and instead, work alone as it will build builds his focus in studies.

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