Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: People Spend Long Hours At Work.

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development?

Answer:

The work-life balance of many people has disturbed in the recent time because they have started working work (1) for long hours. The underlying reasons for this are the increased competition and over expectations of people. I believe that this is a negative development as it increases their stress level builds stress (avoid repeating increasingand weakens their personal relationships.

1. Note the question’s language. The tense if Simple Present (SPEND). But, you’ve used the Present Perfect Tense. Simple Present = Something was true in the past, is still true and is likely to stay true even in the future. Present Perfect Tense = Something was true till recent past (till just a few moments ago). Have people JUST started working for long hours? I’m sure not.

In several parts of the world, especially in metropolitan cities, people have to work even for more than twelve hours due to rise in the level of rising competition. They are in the (They’re NOT inside fear. They just fear. “Economists fear that the COVID crisis will lead to massive job losses.“) fear that if they do not spend this much of time, as per the expectations of employers, they may be replaced by another suitable person. In India, for instance, every year more than millions of a million (2) IT engineers pass the graduation degree graduate (3) and search for the best (What is the BEST job opportunity? This is vague. Your words are not optimum for this context. See point 3 below.) job opportunity. Therefore, in such a scenario no one wants to take the risk by denying to work overtime. (4) Moreover, the expectation of (missing preposition) many individuals in terms of buying an expensive car and visiting the (it is NOT a specific country. It is just another foreign country. Wrong article.) a foreign country has increased. Thus, to fulfil these unrealistic goals they work day and night. 

2. If you’re writing “MORE THAN”, write a specific number. Not millions.

3. Graduate = earn a graduation degree. LR issue. There’s another way to write this: “Every year, India produces more than a million IT engineers who have to compete for a handful, well-paid jobs in multinationals. Therefore, they work overtime to ensure their employment.”

4. This sentence is fine. But, generally, examiners prefer ONE POSITIVE instead of TWO NEGATIVES (they don’t like a double negative). See last sentence of point number 3.

There are several catastrophic effects of long working hours on the personal life and health of people. As people they (use a pronoun to refer back to people in the previous sentence.) spend most of their time in front of a computer screen, they are unable to relax their minds. This adversely affects not only their physical growth due to lack of movement but also their state of mind which is associated with their set targets. (I didn’t get it. How is their MIND impacted? You’ve put your ideas in vague terms. What is the impact on physical growth? Write clearly and precisely. It not only leads to physical disorders such as hypertension and diabetes due to lack of movement but also results in mental agitation and anxiety.) Additionally, overtime working overtime leads to weaken weakens (WEAKEN can be used as a verb) their personal relationships. They become too tired at the workplace to spend quality time with their family members. For example, divorce rate has increased by thirty percent in India in last five years. The primary reason behind this was the lack of interaction between partners due to their hectic work schedule(Can you explain “Quality time with family members”?) Parents, after spending more than 12 hours at work, have little energy to play with their children and couples barely get sufficient time to discuss their problems with each other. This results in weak bonds and broken families.

To conclude, the rise in competition and expectation level has made people left with no other option except working overtime. This trend has resulted in the breakage of family bonds and disturbed mental peace.  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.