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IELTS Essay Evaluation: Internet Preferred Mode Of News And Information.

Some people say that the internet will soon become the preferred method of delivery of the news and information, causing the newspaper and magazine to gradually disappear. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include examples from your knowledge or experience.

Answer:

In the modern world, the internet is gaining importance in every filed. Some people believe that conventional information sources will be replaced by the internet in the coming years. (Note that it is always “the internet”. Also, whenever you plan to refer to something specific, you should use the article THE – the coming years = specific years.) (1) I completely agree with this because it is a comparatively cheap source of information and offers large  variety of content as compared to the conventional print media (Word repetition. Avoid this. See point 1 below.). 

1. Note that you can comfortably avoid repeating the internet. Try structuring the second sentence in a manner that you can replace the internet with a pronoun. In the modern world, the internet is gaining importance in every field. I believe that it (= the internet) is likely to replace conventional information sources as it (= the internet) is comparatively cheaper and offers a larger variety of content. (Note that I’ve merged the second and third sentences. I’ve done this by removing “Some people” and replacing it with “I”. The question does not demand the opinion of “some people”. Also, I’ve used “AS/ BECAUSE”. Note the use of CHEAPER and LARGER. This has allowed me to avoid repeating “the conventional media”. You’ve repeated this in the second and the third sentence.)

Firstly, positive aspect of the use of the World Wide Web (2) to deliver information is that it is budget-friendly as compared to newspapers and magazines since the internet packs are it is (keep using ‘IT’ to refer to the WWW. Do not use a synonym when you can use a pronoun.) much cheaper than a monthly subscription of these resources. For example, a monthly pack of rupees five hundred can get news updates from the whole world on our screens whereas a single local newspaper costs around thousand rupees (it is ONE thousand. Right? Use the article “A”.) per month. In addition Similarly, (This is NOT the next point. This is another example of the previous point. The best connector is Similarly.) a fashion magazine can be subscribed for free through the internet whereas a (It is ONE hard copy. Right? Use the article “A”.) hard copy of the same is charged around two thousand per year. Hence low cost features of online platforms over shadow the use of other modes(You’ve already conveyed this message in the first sentence of the paragraph. No need to write it again.)

2. Note this construction: “a/ the X of Y”. You’ve used it twice here – “positive aspect of” and “use of”. Also, like THE INTERNET, use the pronoun ‘THE’ with ‘World Wide Web’.

Secondly, an internet source (it is ONE source. Right? Use the article “AN”.) has an edge over (wrong use of the word over.in terms of the variety of content also (= secondly. Do not write two words that are meant to convey the same meaning.) since there is no limitation to region or genre for information that could be accessed through it. Internet (Do not repeat the word. Use a pronoun instead.) It can provide news from Asia as well as America whereas a newspaper is generally (The right preposition with ‘dedicated’ is ‘to’.dedicated about to a particular region or country. (3) Moreover, the internet Vlogs (= vlogs available over the internet) about fashion or movies available over the internet are far more informative than a magazine about on the same topic. Thus the diversity of content (“THE X of Y” construction) is another point that supports the use of internet in information delivery(This is same as the first sentence of this paragraph. You have a tendency to repeat the first sentence as the last sentence. This will be counterproductive in the exam. You are likely to lose bands for the repetition of ideas.)

3. I think there is a logical flaw in this argument. The internet fetches information from newspapers. The newspapers are not limited to a region or country. Their circulation is limited. It can instantly provide news from Asia as well as America whereas a printed newspaper has a limited circulation.

To recapitulate, the (“a/ the X of Y”) emerging use of the internet is going to be the reason for decrease in the use of print media due to the superior features of its sources as online sources of information are comparatively cheap and offers offer a (“a/ the X of Y”) large variety of content.

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