Some people think that youngsters should be free to choose any job, but others believe they should choose a practical and remunerative career. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Choosing a career is a crucial step in deciding (determining/ shaping) (just a few options) a person’s future. It is believed by a (1) few individuals that young people should be allowed to opt for any job of their interest irrespective of
the (it is not a specific salary. The use of the article ‘THE’ is incorrect.) salary while others think well-paid and realistic jobs should be chosen. Both the groups hold their own justification, however, (Of course they do. There is no need to mention this.) I believe practical feasibility and salary jobs should be considered while selecting a profession.
1. Please note the difference between ‘FEW’ and ‘A FEW’. While the former refers to ‘very limited’, the latter refers to ‘enough’. I have a few friends (= I have sufficient friends).
On one hand, when a person is free to choose a profession regardless of
the remuneration paid, (it is obvious that remuneration is paid.) he or she can opt for a field as per one’s interest or passion. For working in those areas, they (2) do not need any external motivation as they will be self- motivated. This way they can perform better (3) at work and the chances of their success will be are (continue with the Simple Present Tense.) high. For example, artists like singers and actors are passionate about their work and are often more successful and satisfied than nine to five office workers (“nine to five” seems to be a quality of office workers. It does not seem to refer to time. Write more clearly.) engineers who work mechanically from 9 am to 5 pm.
2. This pronoun does not refer to any noun. The noun in the previous sentence is “a person” (singular). A plural pronoun can’t refer to a singular noun.
3. BETTER than whom? The word better demands a comparison. Please develop one. This way their performance at work is better than those who gain professional degrees without any passion or dedication. (Note that the example after this sentence aptly compares SINGER and ENGINEERS. This also complements the comparison. ENGINEERING = PROFESSIONAL DEGREE without passion and dedication.)
On the other hand, opting for (missing preposition. The correct construction is “opt for“) practical jobs with a handsome pay package offers financial independence and a secure future. One can enjoy the (Note the construction: “a/ the X of Y”.) luxuries and comforts of life. For instance, an engineer working for a multinational company can easily afford a luxurious holiday trip for his family.
They He can avoid unnecessary struggle and can devote more time to family along with his job (2) their jobs. Therefore, they he can maintain a balance between their personal and professional lives. (We need a comparison here: Engineers can afford luxury. Fine. Do others not afford luxury?) (Listen to the voice notes).
For instance, while most engineers working for multinational companies can afford a luxurious holiday, very few artists gain financial success and most of them merely survive on meager resources. The former (= engineers) can avoid unnecessary struggle and can devote more time to family, the latter (= artists) can not.
In my opinion, practical feasibility and the amount of salary
paid cannot be ignored while selecting a job , (wrong punctuation. The correct construction is “X as/ because/ since Y”) as it can provide them (WHOM? There is no noun to refer back to.) economically independent (…. as it can provide economic independence ….) and thus, can lead a more fulfilling professional as well as personal life.
In conclusion, doing a job of interest offers motivation and high chances of success whereas well-paid and realistic options enable them to strike a work-life balance.