Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Evaluation: Loss Of Plant And Animal Species.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Mother earth is facing numerous environmental problems these days. Some people argue that the (“the X of Y” construction) extinction of the species of plants and animals is a major concern due to their role in medical and research fields whereas others consider problems like global warming as a serious threat. I support the latter point of view.

On one side, the loss of flora and fauna is the a (1) major problem because of their applications in different research areas as well as in the development of medical treatments. Since, (punctuation issue. No comma after SINCE.) some rare animal species which are near extinction hold several vital facts about earth’s evolution over the past centuries, thus (2) it is important to save them. For example, few members of the lizard family hold the characteristics of dinosaurs which have already vanished; hence, saving protecting (Word repetition – Save) them can provide lots of information about the theory of evolution. Similarly, it is important (word repetition – importantvital/ crucial/ pertinent/ prudent to save preserve (word repetition – Save) certain plants due to their use in ayurvedic medicines. For instance, few plants are vital for the treatment of cancer, ; therefore, they must be protected.

1. There may be many major problems. So, the use of the is incorrect.

2. SINCE plays the same role as BECAUSE. We never use THUS with SINCE/ BECAUSE. “Since/ Because my daughter is studying, I have switched off the television.”

On the other hand, people I think that problems like global warming are comparatively serious and need immediate attention because it (3) is resulting (3) in a rise in global temperatures. As a result, glaciers are melting and water level in seas is increasing. For example, the rise increase in earth’s temperature by two degrees Celsius in just five years is bothering environmentalists as it will double the water level in oceans in a few coming years. Additionally, the rise in temperature around the globe it (4) is depleting the ozone layer that prompts serious health issues for humans.

3. The pronoun here should ideally refer to the subject “PROBLEMS” and not to “global warming”. Use a PLURAL pronoun form. Also, note that warming = increase in temperature. It does not result in increasing temperature. This will enable you to avoid repeating the word “RESULT” in the next sentence. Global warming (increase in global temperature) is a result of pollution (greenhouse gases). On the other hand, I think that the problem of excessive air pollution is comparatively serious and needs immediate attention because it results in global warming. (Avoid repeating the word RESULT and still build cohesion) The rising temperature (= global warming. Cohesion) is melting glaciers at an unprecedented pace and the sea level is rapidly rising.

4. In the previous sentence,  ‘IT’ refers to ‘increase in earth’s temperature’. Keep using that pronoun. Do not repeat ‘rise’ or ‘temperature’.

I opine that increasing global temperatures should be tackled at a priority due to its devastating effects. No doubt, wildlife and plants should be protected acknowledging due to their benefits to mankind but other problems like constant heating of the planet should be addressed first.

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