Answer Checking

IELTS Letter Evaluation: Musicians Using A Community Hall.

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall.

Write a letter to the manager. In the letter:

  • describe what the group does
  • explain why the group is good for the community
  • suggest alternative days and times for practice.

Dear Sir or Madam,

There had has (1) been a commendable contribution from your side to promote the cultural activities in the (which town? There is no reference to a specific town.) town. (Your community hall has immeasurably contributed to the cultural richness of our city.) Unfortunately, I felt bad appalled/ shocked/ bewildered after receiving the information (after learning that) that our musical group will not be allowed further to use the hall. (2) I am writing to strongly suggest the alternate days for practice in the community hall. (I humbly request you to allow us to practice on alternate days.) (There is no need to write “co” in the last sentence. It is obvious that the practice will be done there.)

1. The use of past perfect tense is incorrect in this context. “Contribution” is something that always holds true even if it is in the distant past. “The contributions of Mahatma Gandhi to the freedom struggle of India are commendable.”

2. I can’t see a clear connection between sentences 1 and 2. Let me explain by creating a link: Your community hall has immeasurably contributed to the cultural richness of our city. Unfortunately, this legacy (= contribution to cultural richness) is tarnished (violated) by banning the practice sessions of our musical group. I humbly request you to allow us to practice on alternate days.

“The Fire” is a well-known group of ten musicians who belong to this city. We take parts participate in numerous competitions held at the national level and have won the prize (You’re not referring to a specific prize) several time numerous/ several prizes. Apart from this, all the group members provide free music coaching to the local children to connect them to with the traditions of India. (3)

3. Please note the difference between connect to and connect with. CONNECT TO = Physical Connection; CONNECT WITH = Relationship (non-physical connection).

I believe that this group has made a huge contribution to for the community by generating (by generating teenagers’ as well as elders’ interest in music) the interest of music among teenagers as well as elder people. If this group is we are not allowed to practice at the specific this venue, local people may get demotivated as they have a strong faith in on us. (Note the use of prepositions – contribution to; faith in.)

I understand that the utilization of the hall to conduct an international conference is unprecedented (4) unavoidable. Therefore, I have checked the schedule of bookings in the hall and decided to change our practice timings. Earlier we used to practice on Tuesday and Friday, and now we can use it on Sunday and Wednesday on which this hall is completely free.

4. Lexical Resource issue. Unprecedented = never happened in the past. What you wish you convey is unavoidable.

I hope that you will accept my offer and allow us to use this facility.

Yours Sincerely,

A

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